


Beast of Burden

by ProfDrLachfinger



Series: Star Wars [2]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode II: Attack of the Clones, Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Babies Leia and Luke die, Drama, Drama & Romance, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Eventual Happy Ending, Eventual Relationships, Eventual Romance, Eventual Sex, Fluff and Angst, Hurt!Obi-Wan, Hurt/Comfort, Light Angst, M/M, Male Slash, Padmé dies, Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-25
Updated: 2016-02-27
Packaged: 2018-04-29 14:22:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 12
Words: 31,861
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5130824
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ProfDrLachfinger/pseuds/ProfDrLachfinger
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Obi-Wan has always believed in the good side of Anakin. But the actions taken by Anakin following Padmé's death unsettle Obi-Wan deeply. Anakin tries to regain the trust of his former Master while both have to face their complex feelings for each other.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. I’ll never be your Beast of Burden

**Author's Note:**

> First of all ... this is my very first fanfiction I have ever written, usually I am a fanart-person. So a really big thanks goes to **CaptBexx** (tumblr) for being the best-friend-beta, who always supports me in everything I do and has read every single chapter  <3
> 
> Strangely enough, this fanfiction has been inspired by the song "Beast of Burden" by The Rolling Stones. Somehow this is my Obikin song, hence the title and the chapter-names :3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anakin is face to face with Senator Palpatine, he only now recognizes to be the Sith Lord Darth Sidious. But then Palpatine offers Anakin the possibility to save Padmé from certain death.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am deeply indebted to my two wonderful betas for the first chapter! *_* Thanks to [**CaptBexx**](http://captbexx.tumblr.com) (tumblr) for being the best-friend-beta <3 And and an equally big THANK YOU to [**TheCrackedKatana**](http://archiveofourown.org/users/TheCrackedKatana/pseuds/TheCrackedKatana) (AO3) for being the honest-beta, who keept me on the right path :3

[ ](http://profdrlachfinger.tumblr.com/post/137366125629/anakin-skywalker-obi-wan-kenobi-obikin-finally)

  

Anakin was shocked. All this time being a Jedi Knight, fighting for the beliefs of the Republic, he had been deceived. He had been deceived by a man he had trusted and had sworn to protect. Now that man stood before him: His wizened face twisted into a horrible grin, displaying yellow teeth which never before have appeared that vile. Anakin took a step back and watched Senator Palpatine closely. There was a cruel gleam in the other man’s eyes, Anakin had never noticed before.

"Come now, young Anakin. Give yourself over to the Dark Side. You know that it calls to you!" Palpatine reached out his gnarled hand, his robes making a ghostly rustling sound in the eerie quiet of the room.

"No!" Anakin retorted in defiance. "The Dark Side does not call to me!"

And he knew very well that he lied to himself. Every waking moment of his life, there was a tug at the Force flowing through him, a tug at his very being. It had called upon Anakin's fears and promised to make them go away. It had made him uncertain, but he resisted.

"I don't believe you, young Skywalker!" Senator Palpatine continued. "I sense your fear ... I can taste it! You've attached yourself to Senator Amidala and now, you fear for her." Palpatine's voice was like Tatooine sand in a speeder: It churned and screeched in the engine and in time, wore things down to destruction.

Anakin gritted his teeth and tried not to let that voice get close to him, get _into_ him. He would never succumb to the Dark Side! He was good, he cared for Padmé and this love would not lead him down the Dark path he'd been warned of. Warned by Obi-Wan, his former Master, who'd always seemed to be a beacon which guided Anakin in times of his emotional upheavals.

"Don't you dare use Padmé against me!"

Anakin's synthetic hand freed his lightsaber and ignited it in one graceful movement. He reclaimed the space he had vacated before and advanced towards Palpatine, who was still standing there as a dark and twisted angel of salvation.

"Padmé is safe and after I've killed you, she will be even more so!" Anakin spat and narrowed his eyes.

The Force in him was raging and turning, demanding to be set free and set to a purpose its master longed for. The air in the room seemed to thicken with it and made it hard to breathe. Opposite him, Palpatine was silent still watching him with his merciless eyes. But that silence didn't fool Anakin. The very same Force which coursed in his veins was also present in the Sith Lord in front of him. Palpatine was mighty and had an even more powerful mastery of the Force than Anakin could imagine.

Palpatine laughed, a was a gruesome sound, and let both his hands rest at his side again and said, "Don't lie to me, Anakin. I know of your dreams. Your _visions_! Every night you see her dead. Her face twisted in agony, calling out to you, but you are never able to reach her."

The blue lightsaber projected an eerie glow onto the Sith Lord’s face and gave it a cold, and mask-like appearance. "Look into yourself, Anakin. Listen to the Force. Not long until your precious Padmé will be ripped from you. You'll be alone because no one is left that loves you." The old man's features twisted into a greedy smirk. "Join me on the Dark Side Anakin and you won't be alone! I will give you power, to preserve what you fear to lose."

Anakin's breath stopped for a moment, as he allowed himself to extend his mind, his being, into the Force. He felt Padmé’s warm and familiar presence in it but then it was ripped from him. The Force turned and twisted in front of his inner eye. It tugged at his being and injected hard and unforgiving pictures of a screaming Padmé into him. She was going to die, now!

"You have seen it!" said Palpatine as he stepped closer to Anakin. By now, the concentration of the Force in the room was oppressive. It weighed down Anakin's mind and obstructed his logical thinking.

"Now, let go of that restricted Code the Jedi use to shackle you down to their wishes, as a primitive beast of burden. Come to me, be my apprentice and feel what power your rage and anger can offer you." The sound of the older man's voice was persuasive; it had the quality of splintered glass only thinly veiled by a layer of honey to make one feel safe before cutting you to pieces.

Anakin wanted Padmé to be safe. He could still feel her presence in the Force, but his vision had been clear. Her death was inevitable. Anakin's hand shook with the forced control he tried to maintain over his inner storm. Padmé had given Anakin something to live for, something to believe in. After he had lost his mother he was sure to be alone in this menacing world forever. But then an angel appeared in front of him, took his hand and just ... loved him as he was. A voice reverberated in his head and crept into his racing heart and steadied it.

_You are good, Anakin._

It wasn't Padmé’s voice. It was Obi-Wan’s! All through Anakin's apprenticeship his Master always believed in him. Obi-Wan faced all the resistance the Council brought up against his wish to train young Anakin. He couldn't fail his Master now. Anakin was good. He was a Jedi!

" _No!_ " Anakin roared. He bent low and charged the Senator. The lightsaber trailed behind him in a glowing, deadly arc.

Palpatine seemed to be taken aback by Anakin's abrupt change in behavior and only evaded the precise slash by a hair's breadth.

"You dare defy me?!" Palpatine boomed.

He found his footing again and raised his thin and frail looking hands skyward. All of a sudden, bright bolts of blue light erupted from them and found their impact on Anakin. A searing white-hot pain flooded Anakin’s whole body. His pain-strickened scream died on his lips as his body jerked and convulsed due to the raw energy coursing his body and burning it all the way. The Jedi Knight went down to one knee and tried to regain his composure after the bolts receded.

"You are weak, young Skywalker!" The Sith Lord intoned with his rough voice, but which carried a small strain of exhaustion now too. "I see your anger and rage and I value you for it. So I offer you once again ... come to the Dark Side, become my apprentice and grow even more mightier than the Jedi will ever allow you to be!"

Anakin's lungs burned with every breath he took. Small parts of his dark tunic were smoldering and gave off an acrid smell which made him nauseous. He couldn't let Palpatine live. He would bring destruction to the galaxy and make all of its inhabitants suffer and turn them into slaves, like he once was. Anakin clung to the belief that he was good, that he could _do_ good, close to him. He was the Chosen One! He would set an end to the reign of the Sith and save Padmé. His most beloved Padmé.

A sudden, crippling pain rushed through the Force connection, he always tried to extend to Padmé. _Ani!_

Her cry was plaintive, frenzied and it shook Anakin's very foundations. In a flash he knew what was happening. Padmé was about to give birth and it would be her certain end. _Their_ end. Anakin could feel the two tiny beings inside Padmé losing the grip on life. All too soon. All too sudden. An inarticulate cry exploded from Anakin as he pushed himself off the ground. Again the lightsaber followed suit and searched for its mark, the Sith Lord.

Palpatine had already realized what happened and laughed his horrible laugh, enjoying the pains of the dying woman and the even greater pain of her husband’s heart which was crumbling into dust before his eyes. With a lazy gesture he warded the sloppy arc of the lightsaber off. Blue sparks seemed to dance on merely thin air, as the blade glanced off the invisible barrier.

Enraged by this failure Anakin twisted himself in a full circle and formed another slash intended to bring destruction to Palpatine. Each blow, each parry and each maneuver was blocked from a now wheezing Palpatine, whose features were twisted into a horrible grimace.

Anakin was driven by his fear and pain. All the while he could hear Padmé cry out and slowly, ever so slowly, growing weaker and leaving this world behind. The Sith Lord evaded Anakin's storm of blows and cuts from the fiercely glowing lightsaber. The Sith extended his hands once again and an even fiercer wave of lightning bolts exploded from them and rushed towards the Jedi.

This time Anakin came prepared. His eyes like that of a wild animal focused the bolts racing towards him and their sharp light gave them a hard and emotionless quality. His body fell into the defensive stance of Soresu, he had often seen employed by Obi-Wan. The raw energy of Palpatine’s attack gathered on the blue shining blade and emitted a screeching sound. The lightning danced off the blade and stray bolts found their way towards Anakin and burned his face, clothes and unprotected hand.

Taken aback by his failure, the Sith Lord emitted an inhuman scream and tried to issue another storm of energy, but this time Anakin was faster. With an aggressive flourish, he freed the blade of the remaining energy and rushed forward. His body bent low again for speed, the blade flying by his side and in an blink of an eye, he had penetrated Palpatine's defensive area and brought his blade above his head in an upper cut.

The luxurious room of the deceiving Senator seemed to be full to the point of shattering the windows. The Force surged through the Sith as it did through the Jedi. It made the air in the room crackle and suffocating. But now there was another thing filling the room with its horrible presence: The screech of the Sith Lord as his hands fell twitching to the ground and still sizzling at the wrists, where the unyielding blade of Anakin had cut them off.

Bent over, like he was carrying a burden far too heavy, even for the lean and muscular Jedi, Anakin watched Palpatine with a piercing stare. His breathing was labored and painful, as he slowly straightened his back and raised his lightsaber to Palpatine's throat. Blood from a burnt cut dripped from his brow and into his eye, but he didn't make any move to get rid of it. A far heavier wound was bleeding him dry from the inside: Padmé and his children had left him alone.

"No!" the Sith Lord wailed, as a thin trail of saliva wound its way down his now visibly aged face. "I can ... still make you mighty, Anakin! Just ... spare me!" he begged, while slowly edging away from the poised lightsaber.

The Jedi looked down at the groveling and pleading creature in front of him. And then, something in him shut down. His head rolled back like he was unconscious and from his throat bubbled a stricken laugh. Palpatine watched his opponent closely for a breach in his concentration. He carefully pulled at the Force and reached out to one of his spies in the building: _Execute Order 67_ he conveyed and was met with confirmation.

Anakin felt the Force being accessed by the Sith Lord and rammed his lightsaber home in one precise movement. Only a bloody, gurgling sound made it from Palpatine’s dying mouth until he crumpled to the floor and lay still. And then there was only one thing filling his complete being: Padmé. Anakin fled the oppressive chambers of the former Senator and entered the long and winding corridors of the Galactic Senate. His heart was pumping more frantic than ever and his feet pushed at the ground just to get away. Get away from it all.

Finally he reached the doors to her apartment. As he stopped in front of the sliding door the world seemed to swim, as all of his emotions caught up with him again. He knew Padmé was gone. He knew both their children were gone and would never see the light of day. Or even more beautiful, the face of their mother. With a trembling hand he punched in the access code and the door slid away. The inside of the room was thick with silence that sickened Anakin to the bone. Mechanical steps took him through the threshold and into the living room.

There, sprawled on the floor like an angel shot out of the skies was Padmé. Her fine facial features were contorted into a grimace of pain. Her robes wet and bloodied. Anger and sadness surged up in Anakin like a geyser but only met a thick shell of durasteel. Not a single emotion bled past his frozen features as he fell onto his knees before his wife. A shaking hand was extended to caress the soft hair of his beloved once more, but it failed. As if dead, too, it fell limply back to his side. A suffocating rage wrapped itself around Anakin und seeped into his very core. Someone would have to pay for this and he would get his revenge. The rage made him feel warm … no it made him feel _hot_. It fueled him and gave him back his purpose were before only emptiness had been.

The sound of turmoil and laser guns firing off raised Anakin from his bent over position. Like someone trapped in a dream, he got up, his head bowed and long blond hair shadowing his features. The sliding doors registered a person approaching and opened instantly. Now the sounds of dying and fighting came to his ears and he lifted his head. In the corridors of the Galactic Senate, there was war. Battle Droids and Separatist Fighters were everywhere casting their deadly laser fire into throngs of fleeing people. Anakin’s heart made a leap; Now was his time to set right what had been wronged.

Like an angel clad in cruel, merciless revenge, Anakin stepped out of the apartment and ignited his Lightsaber only inches aways from his face. The cold, blue light bestowing on his features the hard and unforgiving look, as his blade made the first contact with enemy body.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for reading this far! The second chapter is currently in the making and I'll try to upload it as soon as I can :3


	2. My back is broad but it's a hurting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Obi-Wan registers Anakin's emotional turmoil following Padmé's death and he fears for his former Padawan. As fighting breaks out in the Galactic Council Obi-Wan tries to get through to Anakin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Please note:** This chapter has not been beta'd properly. Since I am not a native speaker the grammar might be flawed and there are typos to be expected. I'll try to upload a beta'd version as soon as I can! As always, a big thank you to **CaptBexx** (tumblr) for being the best-friend-beta  <3

Obi-Wan was deep in thought when an unyielding wave of pain stormed through his Force Bond with Anakin. It was a connection he always kept upright with his former Padawan to make sure of his presence. It wasn't about controlling Anakin or being unable to stay apart from him – attachment was after all forbidden – but to ensure they were in contact, should any danger occur. At least that was what he told himself. That Bond of warm recognition and companionship was filled with a burning pain and most prominent, an all blinding grief. It gathered in Obi-Wan's gut and punched him to his knees like a well placed fist. The Jedi Master doubled over and gagged, while trying not to throw up.

 _Anakin! What are you–_ He tried to convey through the Bond, but was too shaken to put more will behind it and so was run down by Anakin's rush of emotions again.

Dizzied, Obi-Wan shook his head and got back on his feet. Only then did he register the fury which had erupted around him. Politicians and senators were streaming through every door in a hysteric and unoriented way, just to be cut down by separatist fighters and their laser guns. Automatically Obi-Wan raised his mental shields to cut off the rush of unfiltered emotions but succeeded only partly. Some of it had already manifested itself in his being and made him sick. Nonetheless he grasped for his lightsaber in a efficient movement and charged the attackers.

He managed to disable most of the battle droids with swift, well placed cuts, as he fought his way trough the fleeing throng of politicians. Obi-Wan secured the area where he had been when the attack started and was now returning to the broad corridors. There, to his relief, he found other Jedi Knights and Master, who were already rescuing the fleeing people and fending off the remaining attackers. Still sick to the stomach he turned his attention back to Anakin. Of course the task of saving the civilians came first, but somehow Obi-Wan couldn’t rid himself of the notion, that Anakin needed him right now.

Carefully he leaned back on one of the broad pillars, which supported the ceiling of the hallways and closed his eyes. The smell of damaged and burned droids filled his nose with an pungent smell, but he tried not to concentrate on that too much. Carefully he willed the mental shields down again and extended his reach through the Bond. This time he was prepared for the storm of emotions. For the most part they were chaotic and wild, but through it all, Obi-Wan felt the need of the other Jedi. Anakin was in pain, mental pain, and in his frenzy was calling out to him.

 _Anakin, calm yourself. I am here._ This time he tried to cut through Anakin’s onslaught of feelings but only managed it partly.

Obi-Wan opened his eyes and tried to steady himself once more. The emotions of his former Padawan were strong and also … yes, very dark and revengeful which gave Obi-Wan an uneasy feeling. He had always believed in the good part of Anakin, but now there was something in the other man, that made him feel uncertain.

With slightly shaking knees he ran along the slowly emptying corridors in his search for Anakin. All the while, Obi-Wan was trying to oppress his gut-wrenching sensation of foreshadowing. Every hallway and room he passed through showed marks of battle: Burned stains on the walls, blood on the floor and broken parts from destroyed battle droids everywhere. He hoped that Anakin hadn’t engaged himself in the battle while he was emotionally unstable like that. But Obi-Wan knew his former Padawan and could only hope for the best. Gradually the noise and chaos seemed to subside, as he advanced deeper and deeper into the halls of the Galactic Council. Carefully Obi-Wan followed the "trail“ which the Force Bond emitted and after a short while he came to a halt in front of an enormous door wide ajar like the maw of a giant gundark. Willing his beating heart to ease so he could keep a clear head, he entered the looming hall. Mentally, he tried to convince himself that his racing pulse was only the result of the quick run he just had but deep inside he knew it was because of Anakin.

The room contained one long negotiating table with accompanying chairs, knocked down in a random order looking like fallen trees. The air in the room smelled intensely of blood and burned materials, which Obi-Wan couldn’t put a name to. His hand crept up to the tucked away lightsaber at his utility belt for reassurance. The silence in the room felt wrong after the clash of the battle beforehand. In order not to disturb the quiet Obi-Wan put his feet down lightly and edged ever so slowly into the room, all the while scanning his surroundings for hidden attackers. Then he opened himself a little bit more to the force Bond between him and Anakin and was instantly filled with the sickening wave of emotions again. He gagged and made a faltering step forward, but in the same instant saw were Anakin had been lying the whole time.

In a whirl of sand colourd robes and leaving behind his Jedi grace and poise Obi-Wan ran towards his former pupil. Anakin’s tall frame lay crumpled on the ground like a rag doll, one hand still clutching the uningnited lightsaber. His face was ashen and drawn but plastered all over it were bright red blotches smelling of burned flesh. Around the Jedi were scattered parts of battle droids and destroyed furniture. That debris emitted an unpleasant sounding crunch as Obi-Wan knelt beside Anakin and gently placed his hand behind the other man’s neck to lift the head from the floor.

"Master“ came the dry rasp, as he lifted Anakin’s whole upper body into a sitting position.

The wounded man had cracked open an eye and his gaze flickered over his former Master’s face in a wanton search. Immediately a clash of feelings hit Obi-Wan’s lowered mental shields and filled him with the dark and angst ridden emotions, that had twisted his gut before. Anakin was reaching out to him via their Bond, unaware how sickening it was for the other man. Obi-Wan clamped his mouth shut tight and tried only to focus on the desperate call for help, which he could register among the turmoil. With an effort he caught onto that part of Anakin’s thoughts and let reassurance and warmth seep into it.

_I am here now, dear one._

"Anakin, what happened?“ Obi-Wan strengthened his grip on Anakin’s shoulder, as the other man slumped more against him, than he was prepared for.

"She’s … gone“ he murmured hoarsely and grabbed Obi-Wan’s robes with his synthetic hand. "Gone!“ he shouted, eyes wide open and tears spilling down his sharp angled face, vanishing into the dark clothing.

There was no need to ask whom Anakin was talking about. Obi-Wan momentarily diverted his power in the Force and searched for the presence of Senator Amidala but found only a cold and empty space. She had died and taken Anakin’s heart with her. Attachment, Obi-Wan thought to himself, had cut his former Padawan down and left him behind broken and desperate. The grip on his front slackened, as Anakin resolved into convulsing sobs. In an act of instinct, Obi-Wan overcame his dark feelings and pulled Anakin near and crushed him into an embrace. Only then did he feel the wet warmth, which streamed from Anakin’s body.

"You are hurt!“ He exclaimed and searched Anakin’s side with a trail from his un-gloved hand, only to see it bloodied. The younger Jedi had been shot in the midriff and a steady flow of blood had soaked through all of the clothing and was now staining Obi-Wan’s light robes with an angry red. Accommodated to stress and fast reactions, he comm-linked the other Jedi and requested a medical droid and transport immediately.

"Oh dear“ Obi-Wan let his face vanish into the dark blond curls of the nearly unconscious Anakin. He did that to comfort the other man as much as to calm his racing mind.

Anakin had been full of uncontrolled anger and wrath, it made Obi-Wan … afraid. He had always told his Padawan to be in control of his emotions, not to let them use him as their beast of burden. But Anakin was different; He seemed to be sustained by his strong emotions and his iron will, to protect everything he loved. And as he grew in body, he also grew in the power of his emotions. Now that Anakin wasn’t his Padawan anymore, Obi-Wan could only sit and watch and hope that he had taught him well.

"What have you gotten yourself into now?“ he whispered against Anakin’s temple, as medical droid entered the room and extracted Anakin from Obi-Wan’s embrace.

After the droid had taken Anakin with him, Obi-Wan was left alone in the looming hall only with his troubled mind to keep him company. He still felt feeble on his legs and his stomach was in turmoil. Because of the rough and unguarded way in which Anakin had reached out to him, Obi-Wan’s mind was left sore and shaken. It was only when the younger Jedi had fallen unconscious that the pressure put upon Obi-Wan’s mental shield gradually subsided. Sighing deeply, he closed his eyes and contemplated the recent events. The loss of Senator Amidala had trodden off an avalanche of chaos in Anakin’s inner life, which he couldn’t seem to handle. Obi-Wan had always warned him about such deep attachment, but his Padawan had been loath to hear it.

With as much composure as he could muster, Obi-Wan got up from the floor and brushed off his stained robes as if to order them. His whole front had been dyed red by Anakin’s blood and now looked like a mark of guilt upon his body. Had Obi-Wan failed Anakin? Hadn’t he been there all the time to guide his Padawan and keep him company in troubled times? _Well done, Obi-Wan._ He scolded himself. _Obviously you were too overprotective and now he can’t stand to be alone._ With a final flick at his tunic he let his hands fall at his sides again and left for his quarters and then on to the Jedi Council.

***

Obi-Wan bowed towards the other Masters in the Jedi Council and left the room silently as the others went their ways, too. The Council had talked about the unforeseen attack of the separatist fighters and the cause of it. As it turned out, Senator Palpatine had them fooled all along. Toward the public he had acted as a caring member of the Galactic Council but was in reality the Sith Lord Darth Sidious. In the guise of a senator he had ready access to all intel which he then forwarded to his subordinate separatist leaders, who hampered every operation the Republic had planned. Now it made sense, that Palpatine had always been so eager to earn Anakin’s trust and the effort to put him on the council in Palpatine’s stead. But obviously Anakin had resisted the siren call of the dark side and had – rather brutally – disposed of Palpatine. The thought of the Sith Lord's throat cut open with a cold perfection sent shivers down Obi-Wan’s spine.

But what was worse were the other bodies the Jedi had found while sweeping the building for left over attackers. It looked like Palpatine hadn’t only had the battle droids at the ready for a surprise attack, but also separatist fighters out of flesh and bone. Each once living creature had been sought out and brought down with a lightsaber. Their death strikes had the same quality as the one which offed Palpatine: Clean and calculated. To every Jedi those marks spoke but one message and that was revenge.

The Jedi Council hadn’t talked about these findings much because for now Anakin was in medical care and in no state to be questioned, left alone to defend himself. They didn’t even blame Obi-Wan exactly for his lack of teaching his former Padawan properly, but he had felt their stares. Even Mace Windu had given Obi-Wan a questioning look, which spoke volumes. But what weighed the Council down the most was the dead of young Senator Amidala. While looking for stray battle droids the Jedi had also found her dead body inside her apartment. She had been well loved by everyone but also there had been talk. Talk about how close Anakin had come to the senator.

Once outside the Council chambers Obi-Wan took a deep breath and put his troubled feelings aside. He would have to speak with Anakin about that, as soon as the other man had healed enough. Obi-Wan navigated trough the bustle of the Jedi Temple as quick as he could, since the attack had left the order in a state similar to an ant hive. To reach the medical quarters he had to pass several sun filled courtyards which seemed oblivious to the hectic events all around. Not contemplating the warmth of the sun or the mild air as he usually would have, Obi-Wan quickly covered the stretch of open space and entered the opposite building.

The inside of the medical quarters had a welcoming and restful atmosphere around them. The walls were made from beige coloured stone and rounded doors on each side lead off into different sick rooms. Obi-Wan didn’t have to ask were Anakin was being tended to. All through the Council meeting there still had been a part of his mind, which reminded him of Anakin’s violent surge of emotions. Carefully he examined that place were their Force Bond was anchored and found the slightly subdued presence of the other Jedi. Following this trail again, he soon reached a more sun filled part of the medical quarters and Anakin’s sick room.

Obi-Wan reached for the keyboard next to the door to enter the access code but then stopped mid-way as if captured in amber. Was he feeling attachment towards his former Padawan? He cared deeply for the boy, because he had been responsible for him since Qui-Gon had died. But was it this attachment which had clouded his mind when it came to teaching Anakin the right way to behave as a Jedi? Obi-Wan had never let himself be side-tracked by his feelings for Anakin and had never endangered a mission because of that. Anakin on the other hand had behaved reckless countless of times during missions while governed by his emotions. _I am not_ attached _to him_. Obi-Wan said to himself, punched the code into the keyboard with a little bit more force than necessary and entered the semi-darkness of the room beyond.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading this far! The next chapter is already done, it just needs to be revised a little bit ;3


	3. Put me out, put me out of misery

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Obi-Wan visits a wounded and very stricken Anakin in the medical quarters. Anakin is still in such a emotional turmoil, that he can't control his feelings properly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Please note:** This chapter has not been beta'd properly. Since I am not a native speaker the grammar might be flawed and there are typos to be expected. I'll try to upload a beta'd version as soon as I can! As always, a big thank you to **CaptBexx** (tumblr) for being the best-friend-beta  <3

The last thing Anakin could remember before he lost his consciousness was warmth and the smell of security. Through the haze of pain and grief he had seen the familiar face of Obi-Wan, with the even more familiar look of concern and mild reproach in his eyes. So his former Master had heard his call through the Force Bond they shared and had come to his aid. After the loss of Padmé Anakin was overwhelmed by his sorrow and had turned to the last living person he knew that cared for him. In the frenzy of the battle and blinded by his fear he was unable to control the Force coursing through him. He let his remaining control over it go and conveyed his raw feelings towards Obi-Wan, trusting he would understand. He was his only hope.

In the arms of his former Master the grief seemed to subside somewhat but he was confused when he met a mental shield blocking his mental touch. Anakin doubled his efforts to stay in contact with Obi-Wan, he couldn’t stand the loneliness which pulled him down into its unyielding depth. But then a thought filtered through the Bond, soothing his cut open heart like cool water on burned skin.

_I am here now, dear one._

Yes, Obi-Wan was there but Padmé was no more.

"She’s … Gone. Gone!“ he croaked.

With his last strength he grabbed Obi-Wan’s tunic and let himself be taken up by jerking sobs until his consciousness finally faded, darkness surrounding him.

***

Anakin woke up to a dull pain pulsing from his mid-riff and engulfing his entire body. With each second he gained more consciousness there were also more memories filtering back into his being. He had lost Padmé and betrayed her trust by leaving her alone to die. Inside him the Force surged and roiled in search of an outlet. It was as if it mirrored his emotions and willed him to let them go free. His eyes flew open wide and he tried to sit upright to get away from all of his feelings. Pain shot from his waist up into his chest and his breathing stopped for a heartbeat.

"Calm yourself, Anakin“ came the reassuring reply accompanied by a cool touch upon his brow.

Slowly Anakin’s eyes adjusted to the semi-darkness of the room he had woken up in. The shutters of the windows were only drawn halfway and a small ray of midday sunlight cut through the gloom like a lightsaber. Anakin had been tucked into a soft bed which head aligned with the wall behind him. Next to his bed on a simple chair sat Obi-Wan, his hand extended and carefully caressing Anakin’s burned face.

"Master“ he breathed the old sentiment, closed his eyes and leaned into the touch.

With Obi-Wan by his side he was sure he could manage the raging feelings inside of him. Slowly, in order not to let these emotions run wild with him again, he reached out through the Force Bond and tried to connect with Obi-Wan but met only the hard surface of a mental shield.

"What–“ Anakin started but was interrupted by his former Master.

"Not now, Anakin. I am right here“ was the calm answer while Obi-Wan’s hand found a new resting place upon Anakin’s shoulder, gently guiding him back towards the bed. "How do you feel? Do you need anything?“

"No, ’m fine“ He answered sluggishly but the word _fine_ felt like sand in his mouth. Anakin was everything beside fine, his wife and children were dead and now his former master shut him out of their bond without apparent reason. Anger crept up his gut and settled in his heart like a cold stone.

"I am not quite sure if you understand the concept of ‚being fine‘“ Obi-Wan stated.

A small smile flickered over his normally good-natured face to go along with this feeble attempt to raise Anakin’s spirits. It was meant to be comforting but he felt like it only displayed his uneasiness. His gaze fell upon Anakin’s burned face which still looked drawn but not that ashen as before. On the bedside table there was a small flask containing alleviating balm and Obi-Wan submitted to the urge to comfort his former Padawan and reached for the flask.

"Do you want to tell me what happened?“ he inquired in a low voice while he daubed balm onto Anakin’s burns with caring strokes of his thumb.

Anakin sighted and closed his eyes. The coolness of the medicine and Obi-Wan’s touch were welcome distractions from his inner turmoil while he tried to focus on what he was going to explain.

"I … I was with Palpatine when he asked me to join the Dark Side.“ His voice felt rough after he had breathed in all of the pungent fumes his burned clothing and destructed droids had emitted but he went on: "He said he could– He said he could–“ His voice faltered as the memories of Padmé’s dying cry echoed in his mind once again.

"Ah, hush“ Obi-Wan mumbled while his hand left Anakin’s face once more and gently seized the upper arm to give it a calming squeeze.

He felt stifled sobs rocking the wounded body of the other man and winced at the pain displayed on Anakin’s features. Somehow he felt unable to say the right words in order to console the younger Jedi. Then he thought back to the time when he had lost Qui-Gon. What ever those feelings had been which he had felt towards his own Master, they left him sad and paralyzed. But what had kept Obi-Wan going was his trust in Qui-Gon‘s beliefs which he wanted to continue. For Qui-Gon’s sake he had taken up the training of young Anakin, so his Master could live on through his deeds.

"Senator Amidala“ Obi-Wan started but then realized how unfeeling he must sound stopped and corrected himself. "Padmé is gone, yes. But she lives on in you Anakin.“ He eased his grip on Anakin‘s upper arm into a stroking motion in order to regulate the sobbing. "Everything you will do from this day on, will be for her. Use your position as a Jedi to keep Padmé’s vision of a peaceful Republic going until it is fulfilled. It is what she would have wanted.“

"Nothing lives on in me“ Anakin growled and turned his tear filled stare upon Obi-Wan‘s slightly crumbling facade of calm. "I feel like I am burning up from the inside.“

With visible effort Anakin stemmed himself into a sitting position again. His organic hand reached out and clasped Obi-Wan‘s wrist. Anakin‘s palm seemed to burn the older Jedi’s skin just by pure contact.

"No, Anakin. You are above these emotions. You are a Jedi!“ Obi-Wan intoned, trying to calm Anakin who was getting worked up. He saw that Anakin‘s breathing was labored by now and he guessed that the wound in his mid-riff must pain him horribly.

"And what good did that do?“ Anakin spat. "I couldn‘t use my power to save the one person I loved.“ The grip on Obi-Wan‘s wrist tightened. "She‘s gone. I‘m alone ...“ His eyes searched the man opposite him. "Master … _Obi-Wan_ , you‘re the only one who is still there.“

Obi-Wan‘s chest tightened as if invisible wires had been pulled around it. That wasn‘t right. Anakin couldn‘t refocus his attachment onto Obi-Wan. Anakin needed to be free of it to properly function as a Jedi again. _I have been too close to him._ He thought and tried to pry his arm loose from what was becoming a forceful grip. Next to that he could feel Anakin‘s touch through their shared Bond again and was compelled to fasten his mental shields some more. Slowly a sickening feeling blossomed in his chest.

"Of course I am here, Anakin“ Obi-Wan tried to let is voice sound as calm as he could in spite of his racing heart. "But you need not let yourself be used by your emotions as their beast of burden. You can not rely upon me forever“ His voice hitched at the end as Anakin‘s seemingly burning hand wandered up Obi-Wan‘s arm and came to a rest upon the side of his bared neck.

Anakin‘s blue eyes were ablaze with a feverish glow. The tears had dried up already, leaving the eyes red-rimmed and in stark contrast to the pale face. "But can‘t you see that I need you?“

The pleading strain in Anakin‘s voice made Obi-Wan loose his grip upon his mental shields. The touch Anakin had maintained all the while through the Force Bond found the slip in Obi-Wan‘s concentration. A burning flood of pain and sorrow crashed upon him. Again he was overwhelmed by the sheer power of Anakin‘s emotions. The feelings of the other Jedi seemed to overshadow his own and he suddenly felt what Anakin was feeling. Beside the grief for the dead Senator Amidala there was something more disturbing. The sorrow felt like a gray wispy mist, that sucked the colour out of everything. But beneath that there was an emotion black and clingy as boiling tar: Wrath. Those sensations seemed to be fueled by the Force coursing through Anakin‘s body.

_Anakin._

Obi-Wan pushed back with his own hold onto the Force in order not to be swept away by the foreign feelings. As soon as he had found his mental footing he reached out for the more reasonable part of Anakin‘s emotional storm.

 _Get a hold on yourself._ He intoned while simultaneously wrapping his part of the Force around that small, frightened strand of Anakin‘s being.

_Obi-Wan, please!_

Anakin couldn‘t stand being separated from the Force Bond with Obi-Wan, not now. So when he found a way through the mental shields of the other, he reached out. The force of his emotions propelled him through the opening and he crashed into Obi-Wan‘s mind. There he was met with resistance in the first few moments but then was engulfed by the calming embrace of Obi-Wan.

_Yes, dear one. I am here._

Obi-Wan willed Anakin‘s raging emotions into a peaceful rhythm and carefully gathered Anakin‘s presence in his mind close to his own. At the same time Obi-Wan bent his physical form towards Anakin, who was painfully trying to remain in his sitting position. When he was close enough, he caught hold of Anakin‘s right shoulder and left cheek. Then in one single graceful movement he pushed Anakin back into bed and Anakin‘s emotion out of his mind.

_Rest now, Anakin._

Anakin felt calm and sleepiness spread through his being. His raging emotions and the throbbing pain from his waist subsided a little, as Obi-Wan‘s mind settled inside Anakin‘s and then retreated. Slowly he relaxed his aching body and let the softness of the bed coax him into a dreamless sleep.

Anakin‘s sharp features relaxed visibly under Obi-Wan‘s touch. The unruly curls of the younger man lay around his head like an exploding halo and gave him the appearance of a fallen angel. Obi-Wan stayed in that position for a while. A strand of his auburn hair had come loose and fallen over his brow. It was only this and a light perspiration upon his face, that betrayed Obi-Wan‘s calm. Anakin was strong in the Force, as he always had been. When his emotions and the Force coupled, they formed an unbending energy which was hard to withstand. It had cost Obi-Wan a lot of will power to use the Force in order calm his former Padawan.

Obi-Wan‘s chest rose and fell with deliberate breaths, as he straightened his back once again to sit upright. His hand only reluctantly left his former Padawan’s cheek to ease away curls, that had fallen into Anakin‘s face. Sitting up beside the bed felt like a journey back in time, when Obi-Wan used to watch over his young apprentice in the night, when he had fallen ill.

 _As he is now._ Thought Obi-Wan. In his breast two hearts were fighting for dominance over the other. On one hand, he felt deeply for Anakin and wanted to embrace him and keep him from harm. But on the other hand he knew he was getting too close, too _attached_. When Anakin used to be younger such proximity and caress were of a different, more fatherly nature. Now Obi-Wan wasn‘t so sure anymore. He couldn‘t deny, that cradling Anakin‘s mind to his had felt … right. _But it is not right!_ Obi-Wan shook his head vehemently and more strands came loose around his face. The Jedi Master had never in his life looked that disheveled.

Through the slowly vanishing golden rays of sunlight, small specks of dust were trailing, as the Jedi-Master sat beside his former Padawan‘s bed. Carefully, as not to disturb the sleeping man, Obi-Wan got up and deliberately ordered his robes around him and combed his hair into its intended place. With a last affectionate touch to Anakin‘s burned features Obi-Wan turned around and left the room, as if he had never been there.

***

That night, Anakin woke up from a deep and dreamless sleep. His eyes were wide open and he stared into the inky blackness of the room which was only disturbed by the small glow of the communication panel next to the door. His face felt hot and itching and he yearned for Obi-Wan‘s cool touch that seemed to alleviate all his pain. Carefully he put his weight upon the synthetic hand and pushed himself into an sitting position. With some more effort he was able to push the thick blankets aside and free his legs from their confines. Sitting like that he faced the vacated chair next to the bed. _Obi-Wan._ He thought. The emotions and the Force still felt hot inside Anakin‘s veins but their turmoil had burned down somewhat.

His mechanical hand crept up his white clad chest and came to rest upon his heart. Not long ago, that space had felt ripped open and left bleeding. The fact that Padmé was gone still coursed inside his head and a small tear wound its way down Anakin‘s face. She had always been there, to sooth his hot tempers and to bring him back on a straight path. Just like … yes just like Obi-Wan. But where Padmé had been easy to reach, Obi-Wan was remote. His former Master lived by the Jedi Code and was unyielding as a mountain, which vexed Anakin. He had always wanted to be close to Obi-Wan but couldn‘t. A small strain of guilt crept over him, when he thought that he might have used Padmé as a substitute for Obi-Wan. No, he had loved her, but there was something deep inside of him that knew, he loved Obi-Wan, too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again for reading so far! The next chapter will hopefully be edited and uploaded in about a week :3


	4. I‘ve walked for miles, my feet are hurting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After two days of absence Obi-Wan is able to visit Anakin again, who feels shut out by the silenced Bond on his Master's side. And now Padmé's funeral lies ahead which will be very trying for Anakin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Concerning Padmés funeral ... I don't really know anything about Naboo's funeral customs, since I only watched the movies, so I just made something up ^.^' Also Yoda is very hard for me to write, since I am not a native English speaker and Yoda uses Japanese grammar ... it is difficult for me to make him sound right .-.
> 
>  **Please note:** This chapter has not been beta'd properly. Since I am not a native speaker the grammar might be flawed and there are typos to be expected. I'll try to upload a beta'd version as soon as I can! As always, a big thank you to **CaptBexx** (tumblr) for being the best-friend-beta  <3

It took Obi-Wan about two days to be able to visit Anakin again. After the attack upon the Galactic Council and the discovery of Palpatine’s true nature there remained a lot to be done. And on top of all that came the death of Senator Amidala, which had been a shock to everyone. It was not only the death of the Senator itself, but also its circumstances: Senator Amidala had been pregnant with twins. Nobody knew exactly, who the father of the children was, although there had been talk involving Anakin to some extent. To Obi-Wan’s relief the Master seemed more taken up in the discovery of Palpatine’s network, than to find out how much truth resided in those rumors, so he kept silent.

To know, that Anakin was actually going to have children with Senator Amidala had taken Obi-Wan by surprise. He knew that the two had been in love, that they had been close … But children? A feeling of betrayal crept up his heart and settled there like a dark bird of prey. It had always been clear to Obi-Wan that he couldn’t keep Anakin from getting attached, but to father children in a relationship which was bound to stay hidden seemed … wrong. Trying to free his mind from its dark path, Obi-Wan was glad about the upcoming task following the Galactic Council Attack.

In the past two days Obi-Wan had attended more Council meetings and visited more politicians than he did in a whole month and it wore him down somewhat. And through all this, there still was the aching, raw spot in his mind, where his Force Bond with Anakin resided. So when Obi-Wan was not worried about the business of the Republic, he was contemplating his connection with his former Padawan and the news about the children.

Yesterday after an especially long negotiation he was finally able to return to his quarters, he normally shared with Anakin. _That_ , Obi-Wan thought justifiably to himself, _is just because we are on the same missions most of the time. It is just easier if one stays connected._ After a rather long visit of the ‘fresher Obi-Wan only wanted to fall into his bed and forget about everything, but instead he found himself on the threshold to Anakin’s part of the quarters. His hair was still wet and several nuances darker than usual as he entered the vacated space. Anakin’s room showed no obvious signs of inhabitation, as did Obi-Wan’s. Due to all the missions of war and duties in the Council both Jedi weren’t much ‚at home’, if one could call it that anyway.

Caught up in his thoughts, Obi-Wan’s hand reached up and stroked his beard slowly. Tomorrow he should be able to visit Anakin again and then bring over some clothes for changing. He knew how much Anakin hated light coloured robes and how much he despised the white linen tunics the droids in the medical quarters made you wear. _Also_ , Obi-Wan reminded himself, _there is a funeral to attend._ With that he turned off the lights and vanished into his own room.

***

The next day proofed to be somewhat more relaxed concerning political meetings, but which also spoke of the upcoming funeral. Around mid-day Obi-Wan found some time to head over to the medical quarters where Anakin’s shot wound was still being tended to. Without much ado he maneuvered himself through the winding corridors, punched in the access code and entered Anakin’s sick-room.

"Anakin, I have–“ Obi-Wan stopped short, as his gaze fell upon Anakin’s stark naked chest and mid-riff.

His former Padawan was sitting up on his bed, his long, slim limbs dangling onto the ground, the thighs barely covered by the short white trousers. He had cast off the white tunic in order to let the medical droid have a look at his wound. Of that only an angry red streak remained, which wound it’s way from his side slightly down towards his hip-bone.

Anakin, having heard Obi-Wan’s cut off greeting, turned his head and gave him a look, which Obi-Wan wasn’t quite sure he could read. As if on cue the medical droid got up and turned to Anakin.

"Everything has healed well so far, General Skywalker. We will dismiss you tomorrow morning, since this evening you will get one last treatment shot of medicine“ Was the sing-song information the droid gave, before gathering his utensils and leaving the room with a curt nod towards Obi-Wan.

Obi-Wan, rooted to his place by a slight discomfort, looked after the vanishing droid and then turned back to Anakin. His former Padawan hadn’t moved at all and his cold blue gaze was still upon him. Shaking off his dark feelings Obi-Wan stepped up and laid the bundle of clothes on top of the bed.

"I have brought you spare clothes for changing“ Obi-Wan finished his sentence from before and took his seat on the empty chair, trying to focus Anakin‘s hard stare instead of his chest.

"Thank you“ came the curt reply from the younger Jedi, who still didn’t made any attempt to re-dress himself.

Since Obi-Wan had shielded his mind from the Force Bond with Anakin, he couldn’t exactly tell what the other man was thinking, but somehow he had a bad feeling about it.

"Come now, Anakin. Dress yourself, before you get a cold on top of it all“

Obi-Wan reached for the discarded robe and held it out towards the other man. With a flick of his synthetic hand, Anakin pushed the pro-offered robe away.

"Oh, now you care?“ Anakin spat.

His eyes had narrowed and seemed to harbor a red glow and a menacing trace in them. "First you shut me out the whole time and now you tell me you care?“ His voice was still rough at the edges but carried his anger rather well again.

Obi-Wan felt his heart clench, of course Anakin would have to take the silenced Bond and the two days of absence that way. But Obi-Wan had to cut off their connection for a while because he couldn’t handle Anakin’s constant stream of emotions … especially the darker ones, that lurked underneath the sorrow and pain. They made him afraid of his former Padawan.

He sighed and bowed his head. "What nonsense“ he finally mumbled and threw the robe around Anakin’s shoulders.

The younger Jedi wanted to protest but Obi-Wan shot him a look, that he hadn’t used upon Anakin for years. A little subdued the wounded man complied and let Obi-Wan help him into the tunic. With nimble fingers the older Jedi ordered the fabric and tied the strings to close the front. This too, felt like a step back in time, when a much younger Obi-Wan had to explain the right way to dress as a Jedi to a much younger Anakin.

Anakin’s head was bowed and the curly hair fell into his brow. Through the curtain of hair he studied his former Master. "Thanks“ he muttered a little ruefully.

"You are insufferable, when you have got a cold. That is the last thing I need after the recent events“

Obi-Wan waved his hand in a casual manner and beheld Anakin out of the corner of his eye. His burns had healed well within the last days and also the colour of his face had returned to normal again. But still there was a sorrowful strain in his gaze.

"Look, Anakin. There was a lot to do these past days, I simply could not spare the time. But that does not mean, that I do not care about you anymore.“ Obi-Wan took Anakin’s shoulder in a caring grip and stayed like that for some seconds before taking it aways again.

"Ah … I’m sorry“ Anakin admitted and absentmindedly pulled the covers back over his lap and bare thighs. "What are the news?“

There was a hint of anxiousness in his voice as he addressed Obi-Wan. He surely must have been thinking about the consequences that would follow his actions on the day of the Galactic Council Attack. But also Obi-Wan felt wary. He wasn’t sure if this was the right time to confess to Anakin, that he knew about his relationship with the Senator … and the twins.

"Nothing much, really“ he stated. "We are currently trying to figure out the network, which Palpatine had spread throughout the Galactic Council. But right now, everything is slowed down a bit, for tomorrow.“

Anakin’s head came up full and caught Obi-Wan’s eyes. "What … What is tomorrow?“ His voice was uncertain and cautious.

Obi-Wan took a deep breath. He was somewhat loath to break it to Anakin, but there was no other way. He steadied himself and looked Anakin in the eye, then he carefully explained "Tomorrow … Is Padmé’s honor funeral ceremony.“

Anakin’s eyes widened and raced over Obi-Wan’s face in a desperate search.

"But why? Her home is not here, it’s on Naboo!“ He exclaimed and attempted to get out of the bed like he was suddenly electrified.

In a fluent movement Obi-Wan got up, caught Anakin’s shoulders and pushed him back to bed.

“Anakin, please. It is only an _honor_ funeral ceremony. They will form an honor guard in the space port, while her body is taken on the ship to be flown back to Naboo. There she will be finally laid to rest.“

The tension in Anakin’s shoulders relaxed slightly, as he raised his head in search of Obi-Wan’s face.

"Will I be allowed to attend?“ he cautiously asked, the scar across his eye strongly visible on the paling face.

The smile on Obi-Wan’s face saddened little, as he responded "Of course. That is why I brought you a spare set of clothing today.“

"And will you be accompanying me?“ Anakin’s voice was unstable now and his eyes filled up with unspilled tears. His shaking hands searched for support in Obi-Wan’s robes.

"Yes, of course, dear one“ whispered Obi-Wan as his arms slung around the broad frame of his former Padawan in an act of instinct.

Carefully he lowered his mental shield and found Anakin’s grieving presence on the outside. In a caressing gesture he gathered the sorrowful mind to his own to console him. There it was again: The all numbing pain and worst of all the yearning for revenge. Obi-Wan steadied himself for the sickening effect the emotions had on him, he needed to be there for Anakin now.

Anakin’s face was flush with Obi-Wan’s chest and buried deep in the fabric of his robes. Obi-Wan’s arms embraced Anakin’s back and caressed it in small circles. As seemingly caught in time, they stood like this till Obi-Wan had to part again, in order to get back to his duties.

***

The honor funeral ceremony was a dreary affair. In the wide and looming starship hangar two lines of people formed an guard of honor reaching from the port‘s entrance to the Senators space ship. That guard was made up from stormtroopers, politicians, Jedi and some minor officials, heads bowed and dressed in each cultures mourning garb. Padmé‘s body had been put inside an ornate casket, beset with flowers and tokens, as it was the Naboo custom. It was carried by four Naboo soldiers with grim faces strictly facing ahead. Trailing behind the casket was a body of people, who were considered to have been close to the Senator, to wish her a last farewell.

Amidst that group were Yoda and Mace Windu, closely followed by Anakin next to Obi-Wan. The Jedi had chosen dark brown robes, with nearly black leather belts and boots. Their wide hoods concealed most of their faces, as they looked ahead and followed the procession in a deliberate pace. Compared to the other Jedi, Anakin looked slightly misplaced. He wore his usual attire, since it was nearly all black, but he had refused to wear the long outer robes with the accompanying hood. In that way Anakin‘s face was clearly visible for all people around but didn‘t betray any apparent emotions.

What wasn‘t observant to the people around either, was Anakin‘s heavy reliance upon the Force Bond with Obi-Wan to keep a stable appearance. Through that connection Obi-Wan tried to calm Anakin down as far as he could. The younger man was stricken with grief and his anger surged deep in his mind, like boiling lava looking for a release. It took a lot of Obi-Wan‘s will, to channel Anakin‘s feelings into a more reasonable pattern, instead of the hectic chaos that threatened to take control of him again. Obi-Wan was relieved that his hood covered most of his face, because he feared that his exhaustion must clearly show upon his features.

After the casket had been stored on board and the group of people had wished Senator Amidala a last farewell, the honor guard dispersed. The Jedi gathered in a small group on the left side of the space ship and watched it taking off towards Naboo.

"A most sad affair, this is, mh“ Yoda said while heavily leaning on his walking stick for support.

Mace Windu acknowledged Yoda‘s statement with a grim nod before his eyes left the vanishing hull of the space ship and settled upon Anakin. "Yes, but now we have to look forward again. It doesn‘t do to dwell in the past.“

Anakin‘s posture stiffened for an instant before he replied "Of course, Master Windu.“

Obi-Wan stifled a gasp, as the Force Bond flared up in a sudden rush of anger. Anakin didn‘t take Mace‘s comment very well and was now fighting to stay in control of his feelings.

 _Anakin, calm down._ Obi-Wan urged through the connection and fixed Anakin with a meaningful stare.

"We should work hard to make Senator Amidala‘s vision of a peaceful Republic come true. In that way, we can remember her, without clinging on to the past“ Obi-Wan offered and turned towards his former Padawan. "You should rest now, Anakin. You might have been dismissed from the medical quarters, but a wound like that should not be taken lightly.“

"Right you are“ Yoda looked up with his seemingly all knowing gaze and then continued "Not well either you look Obi-Wan, mh.“

At that Mace Windu turned towards Obi-Wan and studied him with a piercing stare. "The recent events have taken a toll on all of us, surely. I think the next Council meeting will not be before tomorrow. So take the time to rest.“ He nodded in Obi-Wan‘s and Anakin‘s direction and left the hangar accompanied by Yoda’s small stature.

***

When the Jedi had finally reached their shared quarters, Anakin headed straight towards his own room, where he flopped backwards onto the bed as if shot once more. Obi-Wan closed the sliding door before cautiously entering Anakin‘s room. His gaze traveled over the black clad figure that was splayed on top of the stark white covers, in search for a trace of motion. Anakin had covered his face with his hands and was shaking now. Obi-Wan could sense through the Bond how bad, how enraged Anakin felt. His former Padawan yearned for revenge, for an outlet of his feelings. _That is not good._ Obi-Wan thought and approached Anakin further, so that he stood in front of him.

_Anakin, please._

Obi-Wan used the Force Bond to get through to the other man. Carefully he extended his mind to caress Anakin‘s turmoiled being. But the hatred and the grief of the other man was too much, it was burning up the Force connection, which made Obi-Wan nauseous.

_I can‘t take it!_

Anakin‘s growled reply reverberated through Obi-Wan’s mind and pierced it like a scalding hot branding iron. In an instant Anakin sat up and seized Obi-Wan‘s upper arms. Even through the thick robes, he could feel the heat of Anakin‘s palm pressing into him. In reflex Obi-Wan tried to evade the gesture and pry his arms loose from the grip, but Anakin was unyielding.

"I can‘t live without her, Obi-Wan. I can’t live without _them_! I don‘t want to be left alone!“

Hatred and grief made Anakin‘s voice thick as he forced out the words which acknowledged his and Padmé’s children for the first time. Simultaneously his presence in Obi-Wan‘s mind intensified in order to pull Obi-Wan even closer into the maelstrom of emotions.

"Anakin stop it“ Obi-Wan managed to grit out between clenched teeth.

Anakin was strong, in body as in mind and it wasn‘t easy for Obi-Wan to regain his mental footing again. But once he found it, he pushed back with all his might, to free himself of the oppressive feelings.

 _You are not alone, I am still here!_ The reply was shouted with such power that it ripped through the Force, but that couldn‘t be helped now.

Anakin‘s assault on Obi-Wan‘s mind subsided a little as his eyes opened wide.

_Yes … Yes, you are always there for me._

In an unforeseen movement, Anakin had grabbed Obi-Wan‘s shoulders and pulled the other man down next to him onto the bed. With his back flush against the mattress Obi-Wan gazed up into Anakin‘s sad and stricken face. By now the younger man had placed his hands left and right of Obi-Wan‘s head and caught the look of the other man with his troubled blue eyes.

Obi-Wan tried to calm himself, this was Anakin after all, he wouldn‘t harm him. But there was the gnawing uncertainty in the back of Obi-Wan‘s head. Anakin had cold-bloodedly murdered all of Palpatine’s assassins and didn‘t show any remorse of doing so. He had fathered children which were bound to have lead a life in hiding unless their true identity should be discovered. And there was the boiling rage underneath Anakin‘s sadness, that was always on the brink of using his former Padawan as its beast of burden.

Caught up in his dark thoughts the kiss took Obi-Wan by surprise. It wasn‘t even a real kiss, just a gentle touch of Anakin‘s chafed lips to his own. Anakin‘s presence in Obi-Wan‘s mind took on a completely new tone. Instead of clawing at the inside in the search of support, it caressed and started to emit a loving warmth.

 _Too close._ Was everything Obi-Wan thought, as he ripped his mind free of Anakin‘s embrace, rammed up his mental shields again and pushed the younger Jedi off his body with a practiced move.

"Master I–“

Obi-Wan didn‘t hear any more, as he jumped off the bed and stormed out of Anakin‘s room, out of their quarters and into the hectic bustle of the Jedi Temple beyond.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading this far! As always, the next chapter is already finished it just needs to be ~~edited~~ ;3


	5. Put me out with no shoes on my feet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After Padmé's funeral Anakin overstepped his boundaries with Obi-Wan, who now seeks answers in meditation and comes to a final conclusion.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, I tried to write Yoda's grammar as best as I could ... I hope it worked! 
> 
> **Please note:** This chapter has not been beta'd properly. Since I am not a native speaker the grammar might be flawed and there are typos to be expected. I'll try to upload a beta'd version as soon as I can! As always, a big thank you to **CaptBexx** (tumblr) for being the best-friend-beta  <3

Anakin's breath was knocked out of him, as Obi-Wan pushed him aside and then left the quarters in a hurried walk. Anakin's heart clenched, as he felt the Force Bond separated by a cold and unyielding mental shield on Obi-Wan's part. As if paralyzed Anakin stood in front of the rumpled bed, his head turned towards the open door, through which his former Master had vanished without a single word. Only gradually he realized that he had just kissed Obi-Wan full on the mouth and tried to merge their minds in a very … intimate way.

All of a sudden Anakin felt sick. One moment he had mourned for Padmé and his children and was nearly consumed by his grief but then Obi-Wan's shout had cut through all of it. That shout had been pushed through their Force Bond and carried a certain note, which made Anakin do what he had done. It had been love. Obi-Wan had tried to calm Anakin down and by that had laid bare a part of his true feelings. And not thinking straight, the younger Jedi had just grabbed his former Master, pulled him down on the bed and kissed him.

Anakin's huge frame started shaking as he silently sunk to the floor. With his face buried in his hands he started to cry without a sound. First he lost the one women he loved and the children he might have had and now he scared the last person that cared for him away, just because he couldn't control his emotions. _But it had felt so right._ Anakin thought. Merging his mind with Obi-Wan's seemed to ease his pain in mourning and to create something else in him. A feeling of belonging.

He had only felt like that three times in his life. The first time was when he still lived with his mother, who had tried to do anything for him. The second time was, when he met Padmé and after a while, could finally call her his wife. She had understood him and loved him for what he was. Because through all of his Jedi training he always felt singled out. He was more sensitive to the Force, he was better and stronger in using it than the other Padawan, but he also felt more than any Jedi should. But then there was Obi-Wan, his Master who had always been there for him and tried to help Anakin when he felt alone and separated. And now he was gone.

Anakin pressed his eyes shut and two final tears spilled down his cheeks. Crying would solve nothing, he told himself and he got off the floor. With great effort he tried to calm himself and not to let his fear take him over. Obi-Wan wasn't really gone … he had just gone away to get some space between himself and Anakin. _To meditate, I bet._ He thought in an effort to cheer himself. It wouldn't do to pursue Obi-Wan right now so Anakin thought it best to go to sleep, that way the morning would come faster. After a quick use of the 'fresher he mechanically pulled aside the blankets that covered the mattress and then flopped onto the bed. Before he drifted off to sleep, he convinced himself that in the morning, he would find Obi-Wan in their shared living room, nursing a cup of tea and waiting for Anakin to wake up, so they could talk things over. _I'll make things right again, I swear!_

***

The flow of people outside swallowed Obi-Wan up, as he tried to bring as much distance between himself and Anakin, between his mind and the troubling incident. In order to hide his shaking hands, part of rage and part of fright, he buried them in the sleeves of his robe and crossed his arms in front of his chest, as if to protect himself. His mind reeled, as he evaded people just by inches in his fast pace.

What had Anakin tried to do? Obi-Wan's mind was filled with unanswered questions. He couldn't find any explanation why Anakin had kissed him like that. In an unconscious movement, Obi-Wan raised his hand to his lips and retraced the kiss but then covered the gesture and stroked his beard instead. It hadn't been right. Anakin's behavior had spoken of attachment more than anything. He had tried to merge with Obi-Wan's mind through the Force Bond. The tone of Anakin's mind had felt like … love. _But Anakin is still in love with Senator Amidala! He was going to have children!_ Obi-Wan reminded himself rather harshly. Suddenly a bitter realization settled in his heart like slowly spreading disease. Anakin, driven by the desperate fear not to be alone, had been refocusing his need for love upon Obi-Wan. _So I am just a replacement._

Shocked by his own feelings Obi-Wan halted. Was he jealous of a dead person? No, no he wasn't. Attachment was forbidden after all. He cared for Anakin as any Master would for his Padawan. He was just … unsettled by the recent events. Then he realized that he had stopped dead and raised his head to see were his blind run from his quarters had brought him. He had maneuvered himself into the front-yard of the meditating facilities. _Maybe that will help._ He thought. He had always told Anakin that he could find solutions for any problem through meditating. _I might as well follow my own advice._ With that he quit the courtyard and left the darkening skies behind.

***

Obi-Wan wasn't exactly sure, how long he had been in the meditating chamber he had selected. Through the generous skylight filtered the luminescent night sky of Coruscant and gave the chamber an eery glow. It had taken Obi-Wan some time to settle his pacing mind and to ease himself into meditation. But he couldn't loose himself completely into it. He was blocking his mind from Anakin's touch and tried to suppress his presence in the Force, so Anakin couldn't find him. Right now he couldn't be close to him.

Obi-Wan turned, as he heard a slight rustling behind him, upset that Anakin might have found him. Obi-Wan's eyes were well adjusted to the small light by now and he instantly saw, who had entered the chambers. In slow, but determined steps, Yoda walked into the puddle of light, casted by the skylight, which gave his face a wise shine.

"Master Yoda" Obi-Wan inclined his head respectfully.

He knew the old Jedi Master for far too long by now, to be surprised by his seemingly unfathomable actions.

"Master Obi-Wan. Greet you, I do" Yoda's voice was cracked as always but carried a caring note. "A disturbance in the Force I sensed, mh."

He came to a halt in front of Obi-Wan and sat down, in the same meditating pose.

The other Jedi tensed. Yoda must have felt Obi-Wan's shouted reply directed at Anakin through the Force. He bent his head in a somewhat guilty gesture.

"Ah, yes. I … I had a misunderstanding with Anakin today."

"A misunderstanding, you say, mh? Emotional turmoil in you I sense. Unlike you it is, Obi-Wan" Yoda didn't sound accusing, more concerned.

Obi-Wan couldn't hide anything from Yoda, he knew. So his only course was to be as open as he could with the ancient Jedi in front of him.

"Anakin is very troubled by Senator Amidala's death and he fears it was his fault because it happened while the attack on the Galactic Council. She was dead when he arrived at her apartment to make sure of her safety. Led by his emotions he … overstepped his boundaries somewhat" He looked straight into Yoda's wise face and ancient eyes and felt an urge to talk on. "I fear I have not taught him well. I was not the Master he was supposed to have. It should have been Qui-Gon."

Yoda raised his clawed hand and stopped Obi-Wan's flow of words very gently.

"Wrong you are, Obi-Wan. The teacher Skywalker needed you are. But Skywalker's emotions strong in him they are and guided by them he is."

"Yes. I fear they will lead him onto the wrong path, so I tried to … talk reason into him today. But he would not listen. He ..." Obi-Wan trailed off, unsure how to proceed. He couldn't tell Yoda exactly what had happened. It could bear harsh consequences for Anakin.

Yoda's eyes flashed and had the appearance of finely cut emeralds. It was a look, Obi-Wan felt, that gazed deep into your soul. It was a look without cruel and prying intentions, as when someone forced his way into your mind. It was more like a relieving confession you couldn't give on your own.

"Shaken your trust in him is, mh" Yoda stated and bobbed his head in thought. "Need more distance to him you do. Regain your balance with the Force and your former Padawan you must."

Obi-Wan wanted to object. He felt completely in balance with the Force. But then he stopped, Yoda was wise and always had more insight into complicated situations. Obi-Wan let out a breath he didn't notice he had held and listened deep into himself. His emotions were shaken, he was in danger of letting those emotions obstruct his righteous use of the Force.

A sad smile appeared on Obi-Wan's lips. "I fear you are right, Master Yoda. But what will the Jedi do without me? Since the Attack of the Galactic Council they have an awful lot to do."

It was clear to Obi-Wan that he would have to leave Coruscant behind. Otherwise he wouldn't be able to keep his distance to Anakin, in order to understand his emotions and think about what had happened.

"Like two halves of a whole Skywalker and you are. Together more accomplish you can. Separated inefficient you are" Yoda explained and Obi-Wan cringed.

He felt uncomfortable faced by the aspect, that other people thought his and Anakin's relationship to be that co-dependent. But then, Yoda didn't sound reprimanding. He seemed to explain something to Obi-Wan, which he wouldn't admit to himself.

"To have Skywalker and you both better for the Jedi it is. Find your balance you shall, mh" With that Yoda got up, met Obi-Wan's tired gaze and nodded. "Good it will do you both."

Left alone in the dark chamber Obi-Wan's shoulders sagged and he bowed his head. The usually prim hair loosened and fell into his face, covering his eyes. If that was how it should be, Obi-Wan wouldn't refuse. He was a good Jedi and wouldn't let his unruly emotions get the better of him. And he wouldn't be used by Anakin, so that his former Padawan could alleviate his own suffering while using Obi-Wan as a beast of burden. With that thought kept close to him, Obi-Wan made some small, unseen arrangements, boarded his light interceptor and left Coruscant behind.

***

The sun over Coruscant was bright and filled the Jedi Council chamber with a clear, warming light. Sitting in those warming rays of sun, were Yoda and Mace Windu, deep in conversation. Yoda had just filled in the other Jedi about Obi-Wan's absence, as the double doors of the council room burst open. Like a dark storm front Anakin entered the chamber and came to a halt in front of the senior Jedi. His anger emitting from his body like dark miasma and dimming the clear sunlight in the room.

"Where is he?" Anakin demanded in a voice that barely concealed his emotions.

Mace Windu tilted his head to one side and eyed Anakin skeptically.

"I never heard of that greeting before, now have you, Master Yoda?" He purposefully addressed Yoda instead of Anakin.

"Indeed, I have not" Yoda replied then turned to Anakin. "Greet you I do, Skywalker. Who it is, you search, mh?"

Anakin trembled as he balled his hands at his side into fists. He had woken up this morning to find Obi-Wan's room not only vacated but also unused. He had searched all facilities he knew the older Jedi used when he was trying to be alone. Anakin even tried to find Obi-Wan via his signature in the Force but there was nothing to be found. Aggravated by feelings of loss and guilt he headed towards the Jedi Council chambers. Master Yoda simply had to know, where Obi-Wan was.

"I am searching for Master Obi-Wan" Anakin had trouble keeping the volume of his voice at bay and the strain of anger out of it. "I separated on bad terms with him yesterday evening. Now I can't find him anywhere." Taking a shaky breath he added "I wanted to apologize to him."

Yoda's gaze was stern as he focused on Anakin. "Overstepped your boundaries with Master Obi-Wan you have. But also ignored the Jedi Code you did. Slaughtered all of Palpatine's assassins you have, mh."

Anakin straightened his back in alarm. How much did Yoda know about Anakin's and Obi-Wan's falling out yesterday? And from whom had he gotten that information? His gut seemed to transform itself into a burning coal. Master Yoda must have heard Obi-Wan's shout through the Force and after Obi-Wan had left their quarters he must have talked to the ancient Master about what had happened. But if Obi-Wan had told Yoda everything, surely he and Mace Windu wouldn't be that "calm".

"Skywalker! Are you listening to me?" That was Mace Windu.

He had gotten up from his chair and stood, facing Anakin in a subtly aggressive pose, his dark face grim.

"The whereabouts of Master Obi-Wan are no concern of yours. You should focus more on the upcoming consequences your actions on the day of the Galactic Council Attack will have. You have ruthlessly …"

Mace Windu didn't get any further before Anakin exploded "Obi-Wan left because of me! I can't stand by and do nothing!"

With that he turned on his heels and stroved towards the doors, just to be caught on his shoulder.

"Skywalker, you will listen to reason now!" Mace Windu yelled.

In a single sweep Anakin twisted around, brought up his arm and pushed Mace Windu back. Anakin's eyes were furios slits by now.

"I will find Obi-Wan" He spat out every word as if it were sand caught in his mouth. "He is my Master and I belong to him."

Mace Windu's face was set as he stared at Anakin in disbelief. Yoda bowed his head and shook it gently as if disappointed. With a last angry glance at the older Jedi Anakin left the Council room without another word. He didn't care what they thought he should do. For him everything was clear: He had betrayed Obi-Wan's trust, by entering too far into his former Masters personal space and now Anakin had to make up for it.

Uncaring about what the Jedi would do without him, Anakin entered the Jedi Temple's space port in search for a small speeder he could use to travel through Coruscant. But then the empty docking space normally occupied by Obi-Wan's light interceptor came into view. So Obi-Wan had not only left the Jedi Temple, but had also left Coruscant for good. Anakin's heart dropped. His former Master had really left him alone … Run away from Anakin. Gripped by his rising fear Anakin started to run towards his own starship. When Obi-Wan planned to hide himself on a wholly different planet and even conceal his Force signature from his former Padawan, it would be a long and difficult search. Finally seated in his ship's cockpit a strange calm settled over Anakin. He was going to find Obi-Wan. He was going to apologize to him and then … Anakin wasn't sure.

The Jedi's light interceptor swung around and slowly headed for a vacated runway. As soon as he was granted clearance, the turbines accelerated and pushed the ship off the ground in a startling rush. With a single waiting pattern, Anakin left Coruscant's traffic air space and entered the outer space. Faced by the impenetrable dark the fear in Anakin seemed to crush his heart. _Where am I going to find Obi-Wan?_ The young Jedi let out a breath, closed his eyes and concentrated. In the instant he reopened his eyes the light interceptor shot into space and was swallowed up by its blackness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for reading and commenting on this fic! As always, the next chapter will be on in about a week :3


	6. I‘m not too blind to see

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Obi-Wan has decided to leave Coruscant behind. Now he has to face living without the familiar presence of a certain Jedi Knight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Please note:** This chapter has not been beta'd properly. Since I am not a native speaker the grammar might be flawed and there are typos to be expected. I'll try to upload a beta'd version as soon as I can! As always, a big thank you to **CaptBexx** (tumblr) for being the best-friend-beta  <3

At first Obi-Wan hadn‘t been sure where to hide himself from Anakin. _Hide ... what an ugly word._ He thought to himself. It wasn‘t really hiding from Anakin. It was more like … being someplace else without telling his former Padawan where he was. _Well, that sounded rather different._ With practiced ease he slowed the light interceptor down and faced the vast darkness of the outer space in front of him. Flying always gave him a funny feeling of detachment. Not that he was afraid of flying, he just didn‘t enjoy it as much as Anakin did. His heart jumped at the memory of the younger Jedi’s beaming face, when he sat inside his ship and flew maneuvers that twisted Obi-Wan‘s gut only by watching them.

Obi-Wan went rigid. Why was he constantly thinking about Anakin, when the other Jedi wasn‘t around? He heaved a sight and rubbed his hand through his face and stared gloomily out of the cockpit‘s viewport. He had to find out what exactly his relationship to Anakin was, what he felt for the other man and how he could combine everything with being a Jedi.

For a while, Obi-Wan just sat in the silent starship, engulfed by the vast outer space, and casted sour looks at the surrounding stars. Then, as if suddenly brought to life, he jabbed some coordinates into the navigation system and fired up the engines. Now he knew where he should go, in order to get to the core of his relationship with Anakin. In a fluent rush, the spaceship shot forward and vanished into space.

***

Obi-Wan‘s eyes flew open and he sluggishly studied the low, roughly hewn ceiling in front of his eyes. The sleep gradually dripped of him, like beguiling honey that wanted to trap him in it‘s golden depths. In one single movement he sat upright and freed his legs from the blankets he had twisted in his unruly sleep. His bare feet met the uneven and sandy ground as he got up and stretched. The feel of sand underneath his soles was unpleasant, but he wanted to accommodate himself to it, because it was part of his new surroundings.

It was a month now, since he had left his generous and clean quarters on Coruscant behind and traded it for these subterranean ... rooms. The only thing he valued about his new accommodations was that they kept an even temperature, even when the sun outside was baking the already dry sand to seemingly burning coals and made it hot and scalding to the touch. Obi-Wan had been able to buy this very small moisture farm under the false name of Ben Kenobi. He wasn‘t sure how determined and throughout Anakin would be in his search.

 _If he comes looking at all._ That was the small strain of uncertainty which always gnawed at the back of Obi-Wan‘s mind.

On one side, Obi-Wan had sought this solitude and still wanted it. But on the other hand he always wished for Anakin to arrive and ...

 _Yes then what?_ He snapped.

At some days Obi-Wan was furious with himself for feeling two different things at a single time. It was like he didn‘t know himself anymore. A new part inside of him had appeared all of a sudden that wanted to ignore the Jedi Code and just do whatever it felt was right. He had always lived by that Code since the day Qui-Gon had taken him on as his Padawan and instructed him in the ways of the Jedi and the Force. _Remember, concentrate on the moment. Feel, don‘t think. Trust your instincts._ That was what Qui-Gon always told Obi-Wan. Maybe he thought too much about everything and could use some freedom from the Code. When Qui-Gon had been around Obi-Wan was always sure of what was right, he lived by the Code as strictly as he could. Through all of Anakin‘s apprenticeship Obi-Wan felt he still understood what was right and tried to teach it to Anakin. But now, he doubted himself.

With one defiant shrug he casted off his dark thoughts and sleeping garments and dressed in the loose-fitting sand-coloured robes of the desert dwellers. Obi-Wan bound the high-shafted boots made out of rough and sturdy cloth and left the dingy sleeping room without giving it a second glance. In the small kitchen area he fixed himself a pot of hot, strong tea and ate some of the left-over bread from yesterday soaked with a little seed-oil.

While he lived in desolation on that hot and sandy planet he tried to be as down to earth as he could. It wouldn‘t do to stay in cheap lodgings surrounded by the hectic to and fro of an outer-rim city. Due to the small moisture-farming aggregate he was able to be independent in the means of water. Everything else he needed for surviving he bought in the city when the need was apparent. He even tried to make bread and had moderate success with it, too. Obi-Wan wanted to put himself to labour, so his mind wouldn‘t go around in endless circles. The work gave him something substantial, something to cling on to.

After the sparse breakfast he went outside for his daily routine in checking the moisture-farming aggregate, the current generator and the all-over state of the dwelling. Sometimes he traveled the small distance where he had hidden the light interceptor. He thought it quite obvious to park such a telling spaceship in front of his hiding-place, so he stationed it some distance away hidden beneath a jagged outcropping of rocks. Since everything was in a good enough condition, Obi-Wan went over to his training.

The first thing he had done, after arriving at his new housing, was to put away his lightsaber. Of course this was to hide his true identity as a Jedi, but it was also for his own sake, too. The inanimate object carried so many memories of himself and Anakin fighting side by side on the battlefield, of frightful moments spent in hiding just before they attacked their enemies. Through all those life-threatening situations and the lighthearted moments afterwards Anakin had been by his side, keeping Obi-Wan‘s back or being his vanguard, clearing the way. For him, Anakin had become as invaluable as Obi-Wan‘s lightsaber.

Obi-Wan didn‘t want to be reminded of that co-dependance, which even Yoda had commented on. He was able to be on his own. As a Jedi attachment wouldn‘t do and he had always lived without it. So instead of training with a lightsaber, Obi-Wan made himself a staff out of sun-bleached wood he had found in the desert. With that he stood in the half-shadow of the slightly domed ceiling of the underlying rooms. In deliberate motions Obi-Wan went through all the defensive Soresu stances, avoiding all attacking figures.

Obi-Wan‘s eyes were closed while he moved as if caught in a tuneless dance. Only the wind over the desert planes made soft howling noises. Sand, lifted up by the hot breeze, caressed Obi-Wan‘s face, as did the sun. He didn‘t care for the hoods and scarfs the desert dwellers used to keep out the burning sun and the coarse sand. When he trained he needed space for his movements and for his sight. Also it felt good to register different sensations upon his skin, that kept his mind from brooding and set it to a more productive course.

***

Obi-Wan went through the days in his accommodated routine: breakfast, check the machines, train, cook lunch, meditate, dinner, sleep. The glaring hot days and dark freezing nights blended into one another after a time, as did Obi-Wan‘s mood. By now he was filled with self loathing and anger, totally unlike the well-spoken and reserved Jedi he once was.

One day, Obi-Wan felt especially bad. He had woken from a gruesome nightmare, where he faced Anakin who was shrouded in hatred and lust for revenge. Obi-Wan tried to approach his former Padawan, to tell him that those feelings would be the end of him, but Anakin didn‘t listen. Instead he charged forward and lashed out with a menacing gleaming lightsaber.

Obi-Wan was frozen to the spot, this was Anakin, he surely wouldn‘t hurt him. Just after the thought had formed in his mind, a lightsaber of cruel red pierced his very heart. In front of the older Jedi stood Anakin, his face twisted in anger and sadness, tears streaming down.

"Why?“ Obi-Wan was able to choke out before some kind of liquid metal filled his mouth, he belatedly recognized as blood.

"Because I want to be close to you“ Anakin answered, his voice soft.

The lightsaber retreated from Obi-Wan‘s chest and he sagged to the ground. In an instant Anakin followed him and gathered his former Master into his strong arms. The mechanical hand reached up and settled onto the bleeding cut.

"Why won‘t you let me in?“ Anakin inquired bending over his Master‘s rapidly paling face.

The ghost of a kiss touched Obi-Wan‘s lips, as the last bit of blood was pumped out of his cooling body and he died.

After that dream he had fled out of bed, covered in hot and sticky sweat. Obi-Wan‘s heart was pumping as if it still remembered the lightsaber‘s cut and was frantic to do something, but was only propelling him closer to death. The rapidly coursing blood in his veins made him nauseous and the walls seemed to be closing in on him. Without giving heed for grace and poise Obi-Wan stumbled out off the well tempered confines of his rooms and burst out into the sandy courtyard. The sun was undeterred as ever in burning every living thing its merciless rays caught. Hit by those rays Obi-Wan‘s sweat dried instantly, only leaving salty marks upon his skin.

Slightly lost in his own jumbled thoughts, Obi-Wan just sat onto the spot he had been standing on. The heat of the sand seeped slowly through his trousers, as he tried to make sense of his nightmare. Or had it been a vision? Obi-Wan had tried to teach Anakin how to control his emotions and how to set them into a reasonable course. But Anakin just ... felt. He clung to persons he loved and gave them his heart for safe-keeping. And should these persons die, they would take his heart with them, so a small part of him would die too. Obi-Wan knew of that habit and tried not to let this happen to himself, but gradually Anakin had found a way into his Master‘s being. He always acted as an eager Padawan but had never really followed the Jedi Code or his Master‘s teachings. Obi-Wan had been fooled by that eager guise and through his negligence had let Anakin into his own heart. He started caring for the younger Jedi so much, that he allowed him to form a Force Bond. That Bond had been cruelly misused by Anakin when he had channeled his dark emotions into Obi-Wan‘s mind. Anakin used his former Master‘s caring feelings just to console his own loss. The older Jedi felt betrayed and used, just like a beast of burden.

 _I am a good Jedi!_ Obi-Wan yelled at himself and punched his fist into the ground. _But I failed to set Anakin on the right path._

His sparsely clad shoulders shuddered as salty tears escaped his closed eyes and dried halfway down his cheeks, before ever reaching his beard. In teaching Anakin Obi-Wan had come too close. He had started to care for the boy more than he should. Every time his younger Padawan cried, Obi-Wan had taken him into an embrace and consoled him, often until the boy got exhausted and would fall asleep. When Anakin got older, he and Obi-Wan fought on many missions together. They just knew how the other thought and reacted, thus working in perfect harmony. Where Obi-Wan was cautious, Anakin was intuitive. Where Anakin was foolish, Obi-Wan was wise. Slowly Obi-Wan had become dependent on Anakin and failed to work on his own weakness, using Anakin‘s skills to cover them up.

On Coruscant Obi-Wan had tried to ignore how much Anakin‘s dark emotions sickened him and how unsettled he was by his former Padawan‘s behavior. But then it was all his fault. He hadn‘t been able to keep up Qui-Gon‘s good work in training Anakin and so the younger Jedi had started on a path that was much too dark.

There was still a spot in Obi-Wan‘s mind, where Anakin‘s hatred had burned through their Bond and struck the older Jedi down. It always felt raw and gave Obi-Wan a feeling of breached trust and it reminded him of his failure. Anakin had ruthlessly invaded his physical and mental private space, but that too was Obi-Wan‘s fault. His emotions for his former Padawan had made him forgiving and lax towards Anakin‘s faults.

 _How am I supposed to set things right again?_ Obi-Wan asked himself feeling lost.

Carefully he touched his mental shield, that blocked his mind from Anakin. Invisible fingers caressed the flawless and cold surface. Back on Coruscant Obi-Wan had always been sure, if he lifted the shields he would find Anakin‘s mental presence out there. A presence that seemed to be set on fire with adoration and friendship. If Obi-Wan could just open the shield, reach out and ... He let go of the mental barrier and sighted. No, he couldn‘t succumb to his need to lean on Anakin again. This time, he would get along on his own.

***

Anakin sat on a small cot in his rented lodgings on Stewjon. For about three weeks now he had been on Obi-Wan‘s home planet, but couldn‘t find any trace of his Master. Anakin rested his elbows on his knees and let his head dangle from his shoulders as if unsupported.

In his mind there was an empty space where he usually felt Obi-Wan‘s reassuring presence. As Obi-Wan himself, his mental aura was reserved but caring. It had been a constant companion and beacon for Anakin, when he got led astray by his reckless emotions. Now that empty space was just a token of his foolishness. He reached out and touched the empty spot lovingly. If Obi-Wan would just stop repressing his force signature and lift his mental shield, Anakin could reach out an …

 _Damm it!_ He yelled and started off the cot, his eyes nearly brimmed with tears.

The small room offered barely enough space for Anakin‘s aggravated pacing so he stopped and stared out of the window. He would find Obi-Wan at any cost, apologize to him and beg him to come back, because what was Anakin without Obi-Wan?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always thank you ever so much for reading! The next chapter will be up in about a week ;3


	7. Throw it all at me, I can shrug it off

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finally Anakin realizes where to find Obi-Wan, so he sets course for his home planet. But will Obi-Wan be able to forgive Anakin?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Please note:** This chapter has not been beta'd properly. Since I am not a native speaker the grammar might be flawed and there are typos to be expected. I'll try to upload a beta'd version as soon as I can! As always, a big thank you to **CaptBexx** (tumblr) for being the best-friend-beta  <3

Anakin sat brooding in the cockpit of his still grounded light interceptor. His arms were crossed, head bowed and eyes firmly closed. Obviously Obi-Wan hadn't decided to retreat to his home planet in his flight from Anakin. Confronted by problems or stress, the other man preferred to be alone, to have some space to think, Anakin knew. It was seldom for his former Master to bare his soul in front of Anakin and talk about his actual feelings.

 _More of an iceberg than a mountain_. Anakin huffed mentally.

The older Jedi always tried to keep some sort of distance to Anakin, that seemed unsure and wavering. When Anakin was still a Padawan, embraces and touching in general were no problem. But as Anakin grew that proximity vanished and that frustrated him. He always felt the urge to scoop the other man up into a tight hug, gently burying his face in the tidy hair and start mussing it up. The Force Bond they kept upright was only a small relief for Anakin's longing to actually ... touch.

Touching and kissing Padmé had been wonderful. The physical contact grounded him to the present because often times he got lost in his raging feelings. But a single touch of Padmé's steady hand and her confident presence brought him back and calmed him down. _Just like Obi-Wan consoled me, when I mourned Padmé_. But Obi-Wan's calming touch had been extended through the Force Bond, which seemed a safe way for the older Jedi to touch Anakin. Of course Obi-Wan had touched Anakin while tending to his burned face and other times before that, but there always seemed to be a sort of restrain in the touch which Anakin couldn't place.

 _What is he holding back?_  

With a deep sight he opened his eyes and stared into his surroundings. Where would Obi-Wan go to avoid Anakin and think about what had happened? Anakin shuddered at the memories from weeks past. Obi-Wan doubtlessly felt, that his former Padawan had somehow broken the wall which he had erected to keep a distance. That breach of trust had been only too visible in Obi-Wan's clear blue eyes, that normally were only full of fond regard. But the older Jedi had also looked crestfallen. His own Padawan doing a thing like that. Guilt shrouded Anakin's view.

 _Surely he thinks it is his fault_. Anakin thought bitterly.

He had done something wrong but Obi-Wan would take the guilt onto himself. And then, it dawned upon Anakin. Heedlessly he punched coordinates into the navigation system, accelerated the machine and after a short take off run left Stewjon behind and entered the outer space. Obi-Wan was on Tatooine.

***

Anakin landed the light interceptor gradually onto the sandy ground. He hadn't been on his home planet since his mother died. A dull grief tugged at his heart but he pushed it away. His only concern now was to find Obi-Wan. It should have been obvious, that his former Master would choose Tatooine to punish himself. Everything here would have to remind him of the time he had first met Anakin and were Qui-Gon had decided to take him on as a Padawan but never lived to fulfill his task completely. So the older Jedi had chosen a place where their paths first crossed.

 _He is getting sentimental_. Anakin thought to himself in an effort to downplay his nervousness and the fear, that steadily gnawed at him.

Of course Anakin had to land in Mos Eisley first, since everything that transpired on that outer-rim planet would make its way into that melting-pot city in form of gossip. He didn't even try to hide his identity as a Jedi and picked apart the shady customers of the first bar he chanced upon. After some ... small aggressive negotiations he found out that a light interceptor had landed in Mos Eisley only a few weeks back and his owner claimed to be a Corellian with the name Ben Kenobi. That kind of starship was very rare to bee seen in this backwater-planet, so it was thing of constant talk. Every half-decent bounty hunter could do with a fine ship like that.

After Anakin got the information, that _Ben_ Kenobi had bought a very small moisture farm some miles out of town, he jumped back into the cockpit of his ship and sped off into the hot and dreary desert, he never missed. Now he stood a short distance away from said farm, that was only visible due to the domed ceilings, protruding from the flat ground and a single moisture-farming aggregate.

The sun was beating down as always and made Anakin feel hot and uncomfortable, but he didn't care about changing clothes, he needed to find Obi-Wan. As he approached the nondescript stead his heart started to raced even more. He searched everywhere for a trace of Obi-Wan's Force signature or a motion between the desolated domes. But there was nothing. Had he followed a wrong track? Was there indeed another person in this galaxy called Kenobi and Anakin wasn't able to find _his_ Kenobi?

A movement caught his eye. Between two domed ceilings a single figure came into view. That person carried some kind of container in front and was lost in thought. Despite the custom and the usability of wearing shawls and hoods when living in a desert, the now obvious male person didn't wear any of those. Auburn hair was slightly tossed in the wind and the graceful gait was still the same: It was Obi-Wan.

"Obi-Wan" Anakin called out, forgetting his nervousness and started to run towards his former Master.

With quick reflexes as ever, Obi-Wan turned and fixed Anakin with a cold blue stare, that froze Anakin to the spot, despite the cruelly burning sun.

"No" was all Obi-Wan said but then began shaking his head vigorously. "No, do not dare to come any closer." He wasn't shouting but his voice was strung tight as a bow and revealed no emotions at all.

"But, Obi-Wan" Anakin started, his heart beating frantically now "I came to apolo–" he didn't get any further before Obi-Wan cut him off.

"I do not want any of your apologies. What is done is done, Anakin. Leave me be" Obi-Wan's jaw was working beneath his beard, while he pulled one leg slightly backwards as if mimicking a defensive stance.

Anakin's eyes trace Obi-Wan's features in vain for some small crack in that rejecting composure. The hair of his former Master had grown longer in the past weeks and fell over his brow and into the eyes in small strands. The usually fair cheekbones had taken on a sunburned colour, that extended over the finely curved bride of his nose. And despite the distance, Anakin could make out a dusting of freckles across Obi-Wan's face. The all over look of his former Master was one of personal neglect. He hadn't protected his sensitive skin from the harsh sun and hadn't cared to maintain the tidy haircut he used to wear. 

Every fibre in Anakin's being wanted to reach out to Obi-Wan and embrace him. To tell him he was sorry and he would make up for everything. But Obi-Wan emitted an aura of pure ice that froze any loving emotion. Gently Anakin extended his mental reach through the Force Bond and found Obi-Wan's impenetrable mental shields. He carefully brushed over the sleek surface only to be met with ... nothingness.

In front if him Obi-Wan took a shaky breath and blinked his eyes. He was aware of Anakin's presence outside his mental shields and he didn't seem to like it at all.

"Don't, Anakin. Please" The last word was strained with hurt and uneasiness that Anakin retreated his touch immediately, not wanting to harm anymore than he had already done. 

Unconsciously he took a step backwards in order to give Obi-Wan more space. The younger Jedi bowed his head slightly but continued to watch the other man in front of him.

"I didn't mean to intrude, Master. Not now and ... not before" It was hard for Anakin to find words that could express his inner upheaval.

His mind was struggling to contain all of his thoughts and emotions that happened all at once. He was afraid that he had lost Obi-Wan for good now. Nothing in the features or gestures of his former Master spoke of understanding, let alone forgiveness. In Anakin's desperate attempt not to be alone, he had pushed Obi-Wan even farer away than before.

Obi-Wan turned his head away in order not to face Anakin. His eyes were flickering over the sands and dunes marking that desolate place. That place was suddenly filled by Anakin's presences, which made Obi-Wan nauseous. The hot air dried the upcoming tears, making his eyes itch. Every part of his body just wanted to get away but simultaneously yearned for Anakin.

He knew he was being too dependent on Anakin. Had been for far too long. While living on Tatooine, to regain his balance once again, he always found himself thinking of the tall and energetic man, who never failed to bring a little bit more life into his grim routine as a Jedi. But right now, Obi-Wan needed to be alone, had to be alone.

"I can not have you here, Anakin" was all he said as he turned around, without looking at the other man, and entered the subterranean dwelling.

Anakin raised his head up again only to see Obi-Wan's back disappearing in the dark doorway, leading downstairs. His heart caught at that sight and he had to oppress the urge to run after the other man, because he knew, that would only make things worse. As if bereft of all strength Anakin sank to the ground, sending puffs of dust into the air that only seconds later dissolved into oblivion again. What should he do now? He had hoped Obi-Wan would be forgiving as always. Every time Anakin did something wrong, Obi-Wan would scold him like a misbehaving Padawan but afterwards would forgive him.

For a long moment he sat there, without any hope, without any idea how to rebuild the trust that had been between them. In front of his mental eye there lay the scattered pieces of their shared life. Over time, Obi-Wan had become an integral part of Anakin’s life, of Anakin’s being. He had already lost two parts of his life before: His mother and Padmé. Only by staring into the glaring hot sand he had always hated and beneath the onslaught of the sun Anakin realized, it hadn’t been his fault. His mother accepted his wish to become a Jedi, so he left her and their ways parted. In no way could Anakin have interfered with her life after he had made his decision and she let him. As for Padmé … He had seen her death approaching night for night in his haunting visions. His strong connection to the Force made him see into the future, to warn him. But Anakin had been stubborn, he didn’t want to believe in that possible future. 

The black gloved hand grabbed the sand in front of him and balled a fist. Slowly, the sand flowed out of Anakin’s relaxing hand and down to the ground again. This time, he had the power to prevent the person he loved from vanishing out of his life. And if it meant he had to spent the night out in the vast and empty dessert, he would. Anakin would give Obi-Wan space, but he wouldn’t leave. Not ever.

***

The cool darkness of the rooms below embraced Obi-Wan and calmed his unsettled feelings somewhat. In undisturbed routine he returned the the tool container to its intended place but then was lost for something to do. Caught in his thoughts Obi-Wan just stood in the gloom and stared at his hands, splayed over the badly used lid. The deep scratches and scuffs felt harsh and unreal in comparison to his inner feelings. 

Anakin was here. Something Obi-Wan wished for since he had arrived on Tatooine, but at the same time didn’t want to happen. Now he wasn’t sure what to do. On Coruscant there had been the Jedi Order and over all that the war, which controlled Anakin’s and Obi-Wan’s life and stopped him from thinking too much about their relationship than necessary. But right now he wasn’t on Coruscant, there was nothing that would force rules upon Obi-Wan, he could act freely.

 _But what is free?_ He asked himself.

It seemed that he had lived so strictly by the Jedi Code, never straying from its path like a obedient beast of burden, that he felt quite unable to act on his own. Flexing his fingers over the lid, he let go of the box and returned to the main room, were he sat down on the low bench and interlaced his fingers in front of his face to rest his chin upon them. Obi-Wan knew that Anakin was still out there. If the younger Jedi was one thing, it was stubborn. The fond thought tugged at the corner of Obi-Wan’s mouth and a mien, similar to a smile appeared on the sun chafed lips. Another thing that was clear to Obi-Wan was that he would never be able to erase Anakin from his life. As much as the older Jedi tried to extract himself from his former Padawan’s captivating personality, he couldn’t. Anakin had found a way into Obi-Wan’s mind and, if Obi-Wan was honest with himself, into his heart, too. And it might have been his fault and it might be wrong according to the Code but his instinct told him it was right.

The darkness of the room was getting even thicker now, which was an indicator for the waning day. Obi-Wan’s eyes, adjusted to the light, wandered through the sparsely furnished room but couldn’t focus on anything specific. Anakin had intruded Obi-Wan’s mind rather brutally but that was because he couldn’t help himself. He had been like a child, that didn’t know how to handle a pain, which it had encountered for the first time in it’s life.

 _He said he didn’t mean to intrude_ … Obi-Wan’s thoughts trailed off. In a fluent movement the older Jedi got up and set to work.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A big thank you to everyone who is still continuing to read this! I'll post the next chapter in about a week :3


	8. All your sickness, I can suck it up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After the first meeting with Obi-Wan, Anakin is still being shut out. Since Anakin has no intentions to leave, he decides to wait for a sign from Obi-Wan.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Please note:** This chapter has not been beta'd properly. Since I am not a native speaker the grammar might be flawed and there are typos to be expected. I'll try to upload a beta'd version as soon as I can! As always, a big thank you to **CaptBexx** (tumblr) for being the best-friend-beta  <3

After the sun had burned his back, it now was the cold, which seeped into his bones. Anakin knew the whims of the desert perfectly well. At day, it would drag you down with its heat and at night it would pierce you with a relentless cold. But knowing the desert well made Anakin sure that he was dressed warm enough. It would be a cold night and he might not even sleep well, but he wouldn’t freeze.

 _And that’s something_. He added rather sarcastically in his mind.

The inky blackness of the sky had turned the sand and rocks into various shades of blue and grey which were only slightly illuminated by the small shine of light, emitting from Obi-Wan’s subterranean dwelling. Suddenly the light from the doorway wavered and Anakin could make out a silhouette against the warm shine. Obi-Wan exited the building and headed towards Anakin. The younger Jedi sat up a little bit more straight and tried to suppress the starting shivers along his arms.

Obi-Wan had draped a longer robe around his shoulders and his arms were hidden in the great folds of the sleeves since he had crossed them in front of his chest.

"You should not be here, Anakin“ Obi-Wan stated flatly and waved a now freed hand. His tone didn’t betray any further emotions as it did before.

"I won’t intrude your space again unbidden, Master. But I am also not leaving“ Anakin retorted a little bit more sullen, than he wanted it to sound.

"Ah, no“ Obi-Wan replied, his voice warming somewhat "I meant, you should not be out here in the cold. Did I ever mention that you are insufferable when you have a cold?“

At that Anakin’s eyes widened and his heart stopped beating for a second. That sounded like the old Obi-Wan … like _his_ Obi-Wan. Gradually he let the tension in his shoulders subside and dared a cautious smile. "I know, you never fail to remind me of that.“

"Then I suggest you come inside,“ Obi-Wan turned away slightly but then added "With me.“ And went back towards the door.

Anakin got up and realized only then, that his legs were rather cold and stiff after sitting on the hard and cooling ground for several hours. In a slightly bumbling walk he followed Obi-Wan into the building but kept a considerate distance in order not to break what frail trust Obi-Wan had extended towards him.

Upon entering, Anakin was greeted by a cheering warmth that came from a fire Obi-Wan had built in a small grate. The room was lit partly by that fire and some accompanying candles set in small sockets hewn into the stone walls. Although everything was sparsely furnished a homely atmosphere was present, albeit tainted with loneliness. Unsure what to do, Anakin remained at the base of the stairs looking lost.

Obi-Wan had cast off his great robe and was bent over a low table, set with an earthen pot and two mugs. Then he caught sight of Anakin, who was standing forlornly in the room, which was so dingy, it was hard to look lost in.

"Come on, Anakin, sit down“ he said nodding towards the only bench next to the table.

Rickety Anakin set into motion, mimicked Obi-Wan in casting off his outer robe and then took a seat on the wooden bench. Out of the corner of his eye, he watched Obi-Wan preparing a mug of tea for each of them. On closer exploration of his former Master’s features Anakin realized that something had changed. When Obi-Wan had seen Anakin for the first time here on Tatooine his eyes were hard and his face unreadable. But now it seemed softer and his eyes more open again. A mug of tea was set in front of him and broke his contemplation of Obi-Wan’s face.

"Oh, thank you“ Anakin mumbled and reached for the mug with his organic hand to actually feel the warmth of the tea.

"What were you thinking of?“ Obi-Wan inquired, only a hint of an amused glitter in his blue eyes.

It felt so natural to interact with Anakin again, after all this time being apart, it made Obi-Wan’s heart beat faster. He took his seat next to the younger Jedi, although careful not to actually touch. 

Anakin cradled the mug closer to him as he answered without thinking "I was thinking about you“ and then froze. He was trying to be considered about what he said to Obi-Wan and how to make up for his past failures and now he just blurted out the first thing, that came to his mind.

Next to him Obi-Wan seemed to wince at the remark and turned his gaze fixedly into his steaming cup. The longer strands of his hair were tumbling down and encased his face in a fiery red halo, ignited by the candle light. Anakin suppressed the urged to stroke them away with his living hand, just to feel Obi-Wan’s skin underneath his fingertips.

"I am sorry“ Anakin added and made and unsure gesture with his mechanical hand, which was next to Obi-Wan’s huddled frame beside him.

The older Jedi shook his head lightly and sipped his tea. "No, it is fine“ He assured Anakin, although his stomach felt troubled and his hands weak.

Anakin had been forthright as always and Obi-Wan knew he didn’t mean any harm by it. _Anakin never does_. He thought to himself and closed his eyes. He wanted to forgive Anakin, but he wasn’t sure how. It was easy enough to be in his company again, but not talking about things didn’t made them go away. _The same goes for fleeing from people_.

Anakin took a deep breath and shoved the tea away, untouched. "No, I really mean it, Obi-Wan“ He turned towards his former Master waiting for him to return his gaze.

"When Padmé and the children died, I just didn’t know what to do. I only knew, that you have always been there for me: When I was a Padawan, when I became a Jedi Knight and even beyond that. You never turned your back on me.“

Obi-Wan’s heart clenched at the mention of the two children. It was the first time Anakin actually admitted them to Obi-Wan after such a long time of keeping it hidden. But after the last sentence Obi-Wan looked rather guilty and tried to object, but Anakin didn’t let him and went on.

"I just took your trust for granted and … misused it.“ Anakin felt his gut twisting into a nervous knot but tried to ignore it, as far as he could. "I should’ve been more in control of myself and not simply use our Force Bond like a beast of burden.“ Gently he reached out with his mechanical hand but then let it sink to the table again.

Obi-Wan’s gaze followed Anakin’s hand first then traced his face, which he knew so very well. It showed all his emotions as clear as day. Right now it was stricken with guilt and sorrow. His stark blue eyes were fixed on Obi-Wan, pleading. The older Jedi rolled the earthenware mug between his two hands before setting it away, too. He knew Anakin was honest and now it was upon Obi-Wan to decide, how things would go on.

"I thank you for the apology, Anakin“ He started and sounded more formal than he intended to. With a sight, he tried to let go of his restrains and just say, what he felt was right.

"I mean I am sorry, too, for leaving Coruscant without saying anything. I needed time and space to think“  Obi-Wan continued and saw Anakin nodding, while never letting his eyes leave Obi-Wan’s face "And what I found out, in this rather dreary exile, was … That your actions were my fault alone. I have been too close to you. I mislead your feelings and in that way failed you as a Master. Qui-Gon would have never–“

"That’s not true!“ Anakin burst out all of a sudden and stemmed his living hand upon the wooden table. Sitting up straight like that, he loomed over Obi-Wan, who now had to cast his eyes upward. Calming down somewhat Anakin added in a gentler voice "You haven’t failed me, Obi-Wan. I always wanted to be close to you. Gradually you let me in when we formed the Force Bond. While I was mourning Padmé you calmed me, you calmed my mind. Being that close to you felt right.“

Obi-Wan went rigid as Anakin’s deep voice washed over him as the younger Jedi got closer. Anakin had always wanted to be close? As the information sunk in, Obi-Wan felt dizzy. All the time he had oppressed his wish to be nearer to Anakin than he was supposed to be. And now the younger Jedi sat next to him, only inches out of reach.

Anakin saw the confusion in Obi-Wan’s eyes, but also the slightly parted, sun kissed lips, and the hint of a motion that indicated Obi-Wan leaning closer. This time Anakin just knew, that he would do the right thing. Reaching out with his living hand, warmed by the tea, he raised it next to Obi-Wan’s face without actually touching it. In a subtle movement the older Jedi inclined his head and brought it flush against Anakin’s warm palm.

The moment Anakin’s palm encased Obi-Wan’s cheek, a sigh escaped the older Jedi’s lips and his eyes fluttered shut. He never knew how strong his yearning for Anakin’s proximity had really been. A hot flush rushed over his body and made him tremble, it was like something he had never felt before. Abiding by the Code he had denied himself everything he might have wished for.

Anakin’s heart soared as Obi-Wan leaned into the touch and wasn’t shying away. Captured by his Master’s relaxed features, Anakin let his thumb travel carefully over the tanned cheekbone. His mechanical hand caught the loose strands of the silky hair and brushed it behind Obi-Wan’s ear, before settling on the other cheek. Softly Anakin leaned closer and tugged the other Jedi’s face near. Obi-Wan’s eyes flew open an met Anakin’s loving gaze. A shy smile lifted the corners of the older Jedi’s lips and Anakin beamed back, flooded with relief.

The second encounter of their lips seemed to be fueled by the living Force. A feeling of pure electricity rocketed through the touch and streamed into the two Jedi. Anakin had brought their mouths together and nipped at Obi-Wan’s lower lip, his hands traveling from the cheeks downward over either side of the neck and then over thinly clothed shoulders. In the face of the greatest mortal danger, Anakin didn’t feel fear, but now, touching Obi-Wan like this made him self-aware and afraid of misstepping.

The heat in Obi-Wan’s body made him want to faint, so he leaned into Anakin’s slow kiss, that seemed to lift him off the ground. He wasn’t sure when he had kissed someone the last time, but he was sure it hadn’t felt like that. In order to steady himself, his bare hands crept up Anakin’s chest and grabbed the rough tunic for support. The first kiss Anakin gave Obi-Wan had come out of nowhere and took the older Jedi by surprise. It had been coupled with a rush of emotions channeled through the Force Bond, revealing Anakin’s feelings much too clear and Obi-Wan hadn’t been ready for that. Right now Anakin’s touch was purely physical but still loving and vivid. _Trust your instinct_.

The kiss broke slowly but their lips still hovered only a breath apart. With the end of the kiss Obi-Wan had cast away the mental shield, keeping him from Anakin’s mental presence. In a gentle flow Anakin’s mind reached out to Obi-Wan’s and extended a soft, questioning touch.

Anakin’s breath hitched, as he felt Obi-Wan’s mental shield opening. This time he was going to be in control of himself. His hands were still splayed over Obi-Wan’s shoulders but started to soften their grip in order to embrace the older Jedi fully. Gently, he pulled Obi-Wan close to him and buried his head in the longish hair, like he had always dreamt. Obi-Wan’s beard tickled his bare skin, as his former Master rested his face in Anakin’s crook of the neck.

Lazily the minds of the Jedi mingled, found their ways back into old patterns and settled into the spots of each others being, where they had been anchored before. Finally both Jedi felt whole again. Caught in each others warm embrace and entwined minds, they stayed like that in the flickering light of the candles. 

Obi-Wan held his eyes closed. Right now he just wanted to feel what he had denied himself for so long. With his head buried in Anakin’s neck Obi-Wan sensed the slightly exalted pulse which was synchronized with Anakin’s glowing mental presence. Never before had Obi-Wan felt more at ease or more completed. It was only then, he realized how wrong he had been about being dependent on Anakin. As if on cue, the hands of the younger Jedi traveled deeper down Obi-Wan’s shoulders, sending shivers down his spine. They finally came to a rest on the small of his back.

Anakin felt Obi-Wan slightly stiffen under his shifted touch so he pulled back. When their eyes met again a gentle smile was on Anakin’s lips as he brought their foreheads together.

"The fire is dying“ Obi-Wan remarked, his voice husky.

"Mh“ Was Anakin’s mumbled reply, his eyes were closed and he was still savoring to be near Obi-Wan again. To be finally allowed to hold the last person dear to him in his arms.

"We should go to bed, dear one“ Obi-Wan went on, slightly nudging the other man’s forehead lovingly.

Unwillingly, Anakin broke the contact with Obi-Wan’s brow and searched the room for the sleeping quarter. When his eyes settled upon the wide, arched doorway which lead into the room in question, his heart sank a little bit. The so called sleeping quarter consisted mostly of a cave, roughly hewn into the stone wall and laid out with blankets. Its height was just enough to sit upright and not to knock your head too seriously on the low ceiling. Concerning the width of the _bed_ Anakin wasn’t even sure how he should fit into it, being broader in shoulder than his former Master.

"Uh … Do you have some more blankets and a pillow? I’ll make a second bed out of it“ He asked and added mentally: _On the floor_.

A low chuckle made Anakin turn his head back to Obi-Wan. It felt like ages since he had last heard his former Master make that kind of sound. Anakin noticed the wrinkles around Obi-Wan’s eyes, that always appeared when he smiled or laughed, it was a sight he adored to see.

Obi-Wan’s eyes were full of good-natured banter when he said "You do not need to sleep upon the floor, Anakin.“

The older Jedi’s hands busied themselves with straightening Anakin’s creased robes, as he had done, when Anakin used to be younger and get his robes on the wrong way. With a final stroke at the lapels Obi-Wan got up and extended a hand towards the sitting man.

With a lopsided grin, Anakin reached out his mechanical hand and laid it into the proffered hand. Gently the fingers closed around the black leather and pulled the other man near.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to everyone who is reading, commenting and leaving kudos, this really means a lot to me! <3 The next chapter will be uploaded next week.


	9. You keep on telling me I ain't your kind of man

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finally Obi-Wan led Anakin in. Both Jedi spent a pleasant night together and talk things over.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Please note:** This chapter has not been beta'd properly. Since I am not a native speaker the grammar might be flawed and there are typos to be expected. I'll try to upload a beta'd version as soon as I can! As always, a big thank you to **CaptBexx** (tumblr) for being the best-friend-beta  <3

As soon as Anakin had gotten up from the bench, he loomed over his former Master again and he instantly wished to hug him once more, but stopped himself. Obi-Wan gave him a small smile and went over to the sleeping cot inside the wall and rummaged with the blankets. Meanwhile, for a loss of anything better to do, Anakin disrobed. First came the heavy utility-belt with the strapped on lightsaber. When he touched the weapon with his ungloved hand he suddenly realized that Obi-Wan hadn't been wearing his lightsaber. A quick search of the room with an attentive glance didn't reveal the whereabouts of the Jedi weapon.

"What are you looking for?" Inquired Obi-Wan who was standing upright again, having sorted out the jumble of blankets.

Anakin turned back and made a step closer to the older Jedi. He touched the belt made out of coarse textile circling Obi-Wan's waist. "Your lightsaber" he replied. "You aren't wearing it" He emphasized his statement with a playful tug, which loosened the belt to a degree.

"Ah" Was all Obi-Wan said for a moment, grateful for his sunburn, so his blush wouldn't show, but he was sure Anakin could _read_ it in their shared bond. "I have put it away to conceal my identity and ..." He trailed off and made a nondescript gesture.

"And your memories of me." Finished Anakin for him with a sad smile. He had read ... no _felt_ what Obi-Wan had wanted to say but didn't.

"I might have been a little bit too blind to realize my own feelings" Obi-Wan said and gently placed his hand upon Anakin's on the belt.

The younger Jedi resisted the urge to pull the belt free, then brush off the robe and push Obi-Wan down into the blankets for a fierce kiss, but he knew to take it slow this time. Instead he put a little bit more pressure upon his hold on Obi-Wan's waist and said "It's fine. I guess we both were a bit ignorant where our feelings were concerned.“

Obi-Wan's formerly shy smile turned into a grin when he said "I always thought of you being ignorant and stubborn. I am more of a far-sighted negotiator.“

Anakin huffed with mock offense but then had to grin, because now it felt like his _true_ Obi-Wan had returned once more, never short of a snarky comment. "Yeah right, how could I not see that" he laughed.

Still with the playful twinkle in his eyes Obi-Wan turned towards the bed as if to lay down, but then stopped. "It is rather small" he mumbled and gazed at Anakin critically. "Or you are rather big" he mused further.

"I am not too big! That bed is only made for about one and a half person" Anakin exclaimed and went over to the small cot. Casting off the rest of his clothing, but keeping the pants, he climbed more or less gracefully into the bed. With a grunt of effort he rolled back as far as he could, until his back touched the far wall. "See?" He inquired.

"Indeed I do" was Obi-Wan's answer, who eyed Anakin and hid a smile beneath a gesture to comb through his beard.

Anakin managed a crooked grin, when he spread his arms, inviting Obi-Wan into bed. Simultaneously he gently tugged at the Force bond, beckoning his former Master closer. Obi-Wan's carefully formed composure faltered somewhat at the intimate touch through the Force, but then submitted to his inner feelings. _Trusting my instincts._ He told himself.

Obi-Wan tried to get into bed with more grace than Anakin had, but failed. He could tell, because behind him Anakin was snickering like a Youngling playing a trick on his Master. The older Jedi nudged the pillow into the right position then grabbed for the blanket to cover himself.

Right now it felt strange to be so close to Anakin. In times before it had felt more safe to embrace or touch his former Padawan, because Obi-Wan knew that he would abide by the Jedi Code. But right now, after they had kissed, everything had changed. There seemed to be no holding back anymore, nothing to restrain them from where they were heading.

Obi-Wan hadn't realized that he was clutching the blanket in front of him rather badly until Anakin's still living arm embraced him from behind and rested his warm palm upon Obi-Wan's cramped knuckles.

"Do you feel uncomfortable?" He asked and his breath tickled Obi-Wan's bared neck and made him shiver. "I can leave, if you want" He added and his callused fingertips drew small circles on the back of his former Master's hand.

Obi-Wan tried to relax, like he normally would be around Anakin. He closed his eyes, let out a small sight and leant back against the younger Jedi’s broad chest. "It is fine, I was just distracted." The warmth of Anakin's body against his own felt nice, so it was easier to calm down.

Anakin's arm pulled Obi-Wan closer, so that he could reach the older Jedi's neck with his mouth. "By what were you distracted?" He asked while his lips ghosted over Obi-Wan's nape and traveled towards his shoulder.

"By thinking about boundaries" Obi-Wan whispered, too taken up in Anakin's small kisses to think any further. But suddenly Anakin halted and Obi-Wan blinked bemused. "Oh no! I ... I didn't mean it that way" He explained hastily. "You can go on if you like. It is nice."

Glad that he hadn't misstepped, Anakin lowered his lips once more to Obi-Wan's neck, but followed a small trail up to the ear instead where he just knew that his Master would be sensitive. As soon as he place a light kiss upon the soft skin, the older Jedi gave a shudder, but a pleasant one. Through the force bond he felt Obi-Wan's presence getting restless and starting to entwine itself with Anakin's in a loving way. Anakin reciprocated the touch and gathered Obi-Wan's mind close. Forged together like this, the Force bond started to emit a warming glow, pulsing through the bodies of the Jedi.

The softness of Anakin’s lips and the roughness of his tongue played over Obi-Wan's skin like a gentle breeze and made him feel as if he were boneless. Ripples of pure pleasure started from the base of his neck and washed down his back and into his tights. Obi-Wan wanted to loose himself into Anakin's touch, but was afraid of going to far all at once. The younger Jedi pressed a little bit more closer and his organic hand started to stroke away the tunic covering Obi-Wan's chest. Gentle fingers splayed themselves over his collarbone.

Anakin wanted to let his hand travel further beneath the coarse cloth of the tunic, over Obi-Wan's muscular chest and down a slow path beyond the waistband. Suddenly there was a light touch upon his cheekbone which stopped his passionate reverie. Obi-Wan had lifted an arm over his head until searching fingers found Anakin’s face. The younger Jedi cocked his head slightly and leaned into the touch. The fingers followed the rising path of his cheekbone and than vanished into his curly hair. He closed his eyes and enjoyed the hesitant caress.

"Normally I would have done it“ murmured Obi-Wan drowsily, who retreated his arm again and rested his hand upon Anakin’s.

"What would you’ve done?“ Whispered Anakin, who could feel Obi-Wan’s mental presence loosing its firmness and starting to dissolve into sleepiness.

"I’d hugged you …“ Was all Anakin could make out from the other man’s mumbled answer.

He felt every inch of Obi-Wan’s body relaxing and his former Master sagged even more against Anakin’s chest. A sad smile played upon Anakin’s lips as he remembered the countless occasions on which his former Master had held him tight and watched over his sleep. Those times were long gone and could never be retrieved. But now Anakin had the chance to create new, fond memories together with Obi-Wan. Cradling the sleeping man protectively in his arms and holding his mental presence in a sheltered cocoon, Anakin swore, never to let anything happen to Obi-Wan again. By his hand or any other.

***

Obi-Wan was woken by a tickling sensation along his upper body. Dreamily he opened his eyes and found the small sleeping cave to be illuminated by a dim morning light, which filtered through the high windows in the ceiling. He blinked his eyes once more and the drowsy fog inside his mind lifted gradually and he remembered.

Anakin had searched for Obi-Wan, after his silent departure from Coruscant and found him here on Tatooine and then … The older Jedi turned his head to the side and met Anakin’s loving gaze. The younger Jedi had propped his upper body into an upright position and rested his head on his mechanical hand. In slow strokes the living hand traveled up and down Obi-Wan’s bared chest, since the tunic's laces had come undone in his sleep.

"You should have taken more care of yourself“ came Anakin’s greetings, which carried a sort of reproach only Obi-Wan had ever used upon Anakin. Not the other way round.

"I … What?“ Obi-Wan was still trying to sort out yesterday’s events while simultaneously tried not to feel giddy in such close proximity to Anakin.

"The sunburn“ Anakin continued and traced the outline of Obi-Wan’s harsh red sunburn in contrast to the otherwise fair skin. "You’ve burnt you chest rather badly.“

The sunburn started from Obi-Wan’s throat, across the collarbones and ended in a V shape in the middle of his chest. In combination with the burn, a spatter of freckles had appeared, too. All of it gave the Jedi Master a younger, more vulnerable look.

Obi-Wan found himself quite unable to reply, since Anakin’s calloused fingers left the outline of the sunburn and started tracing the collarbones and the sides of his neck. The touch left a tingling trail over the exposed skin, which accelerated Obi-Wan’s pulse. In the same time, Anakin’s mind moved through the Force bond and gently embraced the other mind.

Anakin bent forward and cupped Obi-Wan’s cheek. The blond hair fell down in a curly shower that tickled the face of the other Jedi. Taken up by his instinct, Obi-Wan’s hand searched for a hold on Anakin’s neck and drew him closer while letting his mind be caressed. Very cautiously their lips met. Anakin gave a soft nudge and licked Obi-Wan’s lower lip passionately. Overwhelmed by his sheer love for Anakin blooming in his chest, Obi-Wan couldn’t contain the moan as he answered the kiss equally fierce. Obi-Wan’s free arm slung around Anakin’s trained back and his fingertips traced every muscle on its way towards the small of the back.

The Force was surging through their bond and fueled the passion between them. Anakin, in return, stopped cupping Obi-Wan’s cheek and let his free hand trail downward again. Painstakingly slow he brushed over one nipple and the older Jedi arched his back in response and gasped for breath. Encouraged by Obi-Wan’s reaction, Anakin splayed his hand fully over the other man’s chest and let it glide over the flat stomach.

The hand on Anakin’s neck fisted some of his hair only to release it again. Then it brushed upward and combed through the unruly curls as if it were something to cherish. Obi-Wan wanted to crush Anakin near, to make the space between them vanish and feel the other body flush against his. But he didn’t dare. Inside his heart his raging love and his unyielding caution battled each other to gain the upper hand. Obi-Wan wanted to cry out in frustration, but was washed away by a wave of pleasure, as Anakin’s hand slid past his waistband.

Anakin’s hand met Obi-Wan’s pants and his organic hand slipped past the barrier with practiced ease. As soon, as he touched the beginning arousal of Obi-Wan, the older Jedi pushed at the Force bond. It wasn’t a forceful shove like the one he had used when he battled Anakin’s onslaught of emotion, but it was rather a cautious dividing of their merged minds.

"Please don’t“ Obi-Wan shakily breathed against Anakin’s retreating lips.

"’m sorry“ Anakin mumbled as he placed his living hand upon Obi-Wan’s waist and carefully brought their foreheads together.

"No, it is fine. I am just …“ Obi-Wan trailed off, not sure _what_ he was.

To show Anakin that there was no bad will behind Obi-Wan’s interruption of their love-making, he pulled his former Padawan into an embrace and placed a loving kiss upon his cheek.

"I love you, Obi-Wan“ Anakin murmured into Obi-Wan’s mussed up hair, while savoring the feel of the kiss.

The older Jedi stiffened momentarily, as those words were silently spoken. _Love_. Obi-Wan carefully tested the word in his mind. The greatest form of attachment there was in the world. It was this emotion, which cut Anakin down when he had lost Senator Amidala and her babies. _He had loved them so much_. Was the sad thought that spawned into Obi-Wan’s mind like blinding fog. How could Anakin so easily say that he loved him, when he had nearly lost his mind over grieving for the dead Senator. _Maybe he does not mean it_.

_What’s wrong?_ Came Anakin’s dark and troubled voice in Obi-Wan’s mind.

While he didn’t dare to pry into Obi-Wan’s thoughts via the bond, the younger Jedi could still feel the saddening emotions blooming up. Their minds only touched barley now, but the connection was still steady. Gently Anakin levered himself up and looked into Obi-Wan’s strained face.

Obi-Wan sighted and dropped his eyes. He couldn’t stand Anakin’s pained look and possibly the apparent disappointment in them. In search of something to do, he started fiddling with Anakin’s curls. He brushed the hair out of the other man’s face and gradually shifted the combing motion into caressing Anakin’s cheekbones.

"It is nothing, Anakin. I am just not sure if you should be saying that“ he offered the flat explanation.

"Why not?“ Anakin inquired. It pained him, that Obi-Wan had reacted that way, but he knew not to pressure his former Master into anything. Not again.

"You loved … You _love_ Padmé, you were going to have children“ Obi-Wan explained and raised his eyes once more. "I am not her. You can not … _love_ me.“

Anakin’s gut contorted itself into a cold lump of dread. Obi-Wan doubted his love in him, thinking that Anakin only cared for Padmé and would use him solely as a substitute. It made him sick, that Obi-Wan had harbored all these thoughts while they were kissing and holding each other. He never wanted to hurt his former Master again, but had done it anyway by not making it clear how he felt.

"That is not right, Obi-Wan“ Anakin replied and grabbed the stroking hand of Obi-Wan, pressing it flush to the side of his face. "I _love_ Padmé, yes. But I also love _you_ , right now. With every fibre of my being.“

Gently he tugged at Obi-Wan’s mind hovering at the edge of their bond. Gradually the other Jedi’s mind gave in to the pull and let itself be gathered into a warm embrace, like a bed of feathers.

"I love Padmé for what she was and how she helped me to stay focussed. I love her so much that I _wanted_ to have children with her. And I love you for being there for me, whenever I need you. That you raised me after Qui-Gon died. And how your trust in me never wavered, although I strayed from the right path more often than I should have.“ Anakin said with a matter of fact voice which made Obi-Wan shiver.

Anakin turned his head so he could place a firm kiss on Obi-Wan’s palm. „You just never let me get any closer up until now. I would never use you as a beast of burden to get over my grief. I feel strongly for both of you. But I lost Padmé and the babies already, I won’t loose you too.“

Obi-Wan’s heart raced so fast that he contributed his blurred sight to the speed up pulse, before he registered the tears trickling down his burned cheeks. _How can I be that blind sometimes?_ He scolded himself.

A spark of hope erupted inside Anakin, as Obi-Wan’s mind started to take on a note it never had previously. All the boundaries and restrains it had upheld crumbled away like the old skin of a snake, to reveal an even more beautiful being than before. Love, affection and care seeped out of Obi-Wan’s mind and spread through Anakin’s mental presence.

_I am so sorry, Anakin._ Obi-Wan’s mental voice had a deplorable tone, but was at the same time full of joy. _I love you, too, dear one_.

Unable to hold in his happiness anymore, Anakin captured Obi-Wan’s lips in a fervent kiss, that was answered immediately. Obi-Wan knew that there was no turning back anymore, as he held his former Padawan close and let himself be taken over by his rising passion. They were bound to each other, body and soul. With that they broke the most adamant rule of the Jedi Code: Do not form an attachment. But hadn’t Master Yoda said, that there were two halves of a whole? Now they were jointed in perfect harmony and nothing would ever make them part again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so glad everyone is still enjoying this, that really means a lot <3


	10. Ain't I tough enough

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Obi-Wan and Anakin enjoy their shared stay on Tatooine. They talk, they find balance. But now the time has come for them to return to Coruscant and their duties as Jedi.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Please note:** This chapter has not been beta'd properly. Since I am not a native speaker the grammar might be flawed and there are typos to be expected. I'll try to upload a beta'd version as soon as I can! As always, a big thank you to **CaptBexx** (tumblr) for being the best-friend-beta  <3

To be with Anakin once more felt like being whole again. Obi-Wan had tried to convince himself, that he wasn’t dependent on Anakin, that he wasn’t _attached_. But he had just been too blind to see. As Master Yoda had said, they were two halves of a whole; Not dependent on one another, but _belonging_ to one another.

These thoughts rolled through Obi-Wan’s head as he arched his back like a sleepy cat and leaned against Anakin’s taller frame, eyes closed. They had worked through the whole morning doing the usual chores Obi-Wan had tended to alone weeks before. Now they sat in the shade of a self-made sun screen, fastened to the domed ceiling of the small moisture farm.

They had spent about one week on Tatooine now, just living together, talking and finding balance. In Obi-Wan’s opinion, Anakin had ignored the Council's orders to stay on Coruscant already, so the damage was done. It wouldn’t matter now, if Anakin was gone for one month or even two. But it was time to return to Coruscant and to the Jedi, they had a responsibility after all.

The arms wrapped around him fastened some more and Obi-Wan could feel the hard metal of Anakin’s mechanical arm pressing into his skin just below the ribs. He never felt uncomfortable being touched by the prosthetic arm of his former Padawan. Of course it somehow displayed Anakin’s recklessness, but that was a part of his character that made him who he was. Obi-Wan could never hate that.

"You never stop, do you?“ Anakin rumbled behind him, his dark voice sending vibrations through Obi-Wan’s back.

Obi-Wan cracked open an eye and answered "Well, at least one of us has to think.“

"Then I’m glad to leave all the thinking to you, Obi-Wan“ Anakin laughed, than added somewhat thoughtful "What were you thinking by going to Tatooine in the first place?“

The second eye of Obi-Wan popped open and his gaze swept over the desolate dunes and pale blue sky in contemplation.

"It is here were it all began“ He explained and traced the outline of the mechanic arm beneath the dark brown tunic with his fingers. "Sometimes it is good to retrace your steps, when you can not go forward.“

Anakin thought about what Obi-Wad had said just now and inquired "Did it help you, then?“

"Oh, very much so, yes“ The older Jedi answered with a smile and nudged the joined Force Bond affectionately. _We are here together, are we not?_

Anakin returned the mental touch warmly and brought his head on the same height as Obi-Wan’s ear and placed a enticing kiss behind it.

"I never thought Tatooine could be much good to anyone“ Anakin said and then murmured rather sarcastically "Except for sand-gardens. Ugh.“

"Why, I have seen some very impressive sand-gardens on other planets in the galaxy. They are rather nice“ Obi-Wan exclaimed, taking Anakin up by his comment, barely concealing his laughter.

Both Jedi savored the moment of shared joy for a little while longer before settling into a thoughtful silence. They both knew what was ahead of them, without needing Obi-Wan to spell it out. The return to Coruscant loomed over them like a brewing storm and it was inevitable. Due to the nature of the Jedi, there would be quit a lot of talk concerning Anakin’s unexplained absence, after all Obi-Wan’s leave was vouched for by Yoda. And Anakin would have to face a trial because of his actions taken on the day of the Galactic Council Attack.

"When will we return, Obi-Wan?“ Anakin’s voice was husky now, filled with sadness.

Obi-Wan’s head rolled back as in defeat, resting it between Anakin’s neck and shoulder. "Tomorrow.“

***

The return to Coruscant was a grim affair. Both Jedi readied their light interceptors silently and quite fast, since no-one had brought much belongings with them. Obi-Wan secured and locked the moisture farm. He had made no attempt to re-sell the stead, it might come in handy some time.

Obi-Wan’s ship was now parked next to Anakin’s in the strengthening rays of the rising morning sun. The two men stood in the cool shadows cast by the looming machines. Clad in the formal brown robes of the Jedi, they looked like rock statues growing out of the coarse sand. No word escaped their mouths, fearing that speech might not convey what they felt. There was only a subdued mental exchange going on between them.

_It is time, Anakin._ Obi-Wan’s mental voice was firm but unable to hide the sad streak clinging to it like tar.

_I know. But what will happen when we arrive? I won’t be parted from you!_ Anakin’s mental presence started to rage at the last sentence, winding its turmoiled path around Obi-Wan’s steadfast mind, clutching at it.

_Calm yourself, dear one._ Obi-Wan intoned but let his affection sooth Anakin’s surging mind into a more peaceful rhythm.

Anakin’s hand twitched. In a rush of dark fabric he closed the small gap separating him from Obi-Wan and crushed the older Jedi into fierce hug, burying his face in the robes. Obi-Wan’s embrace was equally hard, his hands clutched desperately at Anakin’s back.

_They won’t, Anakin_. Obi-Wan’s words were an monument of reassurance in Anakin’s mind and he clung to it like a drowning person to the last straw.

Slowly the embrace split apart. Obi-Wan took the mechanical hand in his and placed a lingering kiss upon Anakin’s lips. Their eyes met as the kiss ended and both were set with determination. With that, they let go of each other, climbed into their cockpits and left the place behind where it all had begun.

***

When they reached Coruscant air space, Obi-Wan contacted the ground personnel and requested a immediate landing slot at the Jedi Temple for both light interceptors. Now it was time to return to their responsibilities as the dutiful beasts of burden they were and see, how their new found relationship would fit into it all. One thing was sure, they wouldn’t be able to show anything of it publicly.

On the day before they left Tatooine, Obi-Wan had explained to Anakin, that there would be a trial coming for the younger Jedi. In order to reduce all the gossip that might have evolved around their absence, Obi-Wan would attend said trial. In that way he could show his approval of the Council’s decision on punishing Anakin’s actions.

The ships came to a halt and both Jedi jumped out of their cockpits simultaneously. While flying, the Force Bond had been quiet but a mutual affection was always coursing between them. Now Anakin sent a questioning nudge through that connection and was met with a reassuring warmth.

Obi-Wan and Anakin rounded the light interceptors and before there was any time to talk, Master Windu and Master Yoda came into view. Now duty and the Jedi Code had taken hold of them once more. The dark face of the Korun Jedi Master was grim and set. Master Yoda's face appeared more neutral, as he eyed the returned Jedi with his wise eyes.

Mace Windu gave them a somewhat curt greeting, as he came into earshot. His arms were crossed before his chest and his overall demeanor spoke of a bottled-up anger.

"Greet you both, I do" said Master Yoda as he came to a halt next to Mace Windu.

"Master Windu, Master Yoda" Anakin and Obi-Wan replied in union and bowed their heads respectfully.

It was visible that Mace Windu had to control himself, in order not to start off with a tirade of accusations directed at Anakin, who kept his face carefully straight.

"Returned you have, I see" Yoda stated and nodded "Brought Skywalker with you, you have Master Obi-Wan."

"Yes I have" answered Obi-Wan with a carefully neutral voice. "We met on Tatooine and I thought it might be time for me to return, Master Yoda."

"You are well needed here, Obi-Wan. And it is good of you, to bring Skywalker with you, too" Mace Windu's voice betrayed only a marginal hint of sarcasm as he mentioned Anakin. "There are still open charges to be brought up against him in the Jedi Council" He continued and turned his stare towards Anakin.

"I understand" Anakin replied and inclined his head. "May I also use this private moment to apologize for my disobedience?" He asked and looked straight into the dark and unwavering eyes of Mace Windu.

Before Mace Windu could form a sharp reply Yoda asked "Seen reason you have, young Skywalker, mh?"

"Yes Master Yoda, I did. It was wrong of me to act on my emotions and leave the Jedi behind in such an difficult situation. But ..." Anakin squared his shoulders, ready to defend his opinion and continued "Master Obi-Wan is a good friend and an important member of the Jedi Council. I couldn't let his absence slow us down in our task of destroying Palpatine's network corrupting the Galactic Council. I needed to bring him back, since it was my fault he left."

"So you thought it would be best, that you both stood absent for about two months?" Inquired Mace Windu angrily. But before Anakin could retort anything, the Korun Master continued "I _don't_ want to hear your excuses, Skywalker. What is done is done. You and Master Obi-Wan are back again and will be taking up your duties immediately _after_ your trial. Tomorrow."

Anakin bit back his comment and bowed his head once more "Very well, Master Windu."

With a curt nod towards Yoda and a final measuring glance at Anakin, Mace Windu turned around and stalked out of the space port with his usual determined steps.

"Right you were, young Skywalker. An important member Obi-Wan is. But so you are. Together more valuable for the Jedi you are. Left without you, weaker we were." Yoda's voice was stern but carried a gentle note.

"I understand, Master Yoda. I shouldn't have valued the life of a single person over my duties and the well-being of thousands of people." Anakin replied and thought that he saw a knowing glimmer in Yoda's emerald eyes

"Then see you tomorrow, I will. Attending the trial too you will, Master Obi-Wan, mh?" Yoda turned his gaze upon the still slightly ruffled Jedi Master.

"Yes, I will" Obi-Wan answered and gave the old Jedi Master a smile. "And thank you for your patience, Master Yoda."

Yoda inclined his head and then turned around. The huge hall of the space port swallowed the small figure of the old Master quickly and left both Jedi to themselves once more.

"Now that went well" chimed Anakin and awarded Obi-Wan with a lopsided grin.

Obi-Wan grinned back and stroked his beard thoughtfully. Although Anakin tried to sound carefree, his anxiety was quite apparent in the Force Bond. But it was Anakin's wont to downplay uncomfortable situations with a snarky remark. So knowingly he fastened the mental Bond a little more.

"Oh yes indeed" Obi-Wan exclaimed and waved his hand casually. "I can see that, because your head is still on your shoulders."

With that he passed Anakin by and headed for the exit and towards the lift. He felt a dire need for a haircut ... And maybe even a shower. Anakin huffed at the last remark, but suppressed a small grin. It was good to interact with Obi-Wan like that again. It felt like finally coming home.

***

On the way back to their shared quarters, questioning looks and murmurs followed the two Jedi all the while. During the war it was no uncommon thing that Obi-Wan Kenobi and Anakin Skywalker were gone for months at a time to fulfill a mission in order to keep the peace. But should there be more important business on Coruscant, they were sure to return and set things right once more. So the absence of both Jedi after the Galactic Council Attack was something unheard of and became a thing of gossip.

Anakin felt guilty for bringing all those stares and whispers upon Obi-Wan, so he held his head bowed slightly and stayed close to his former Master. Walking in that manner made him looked like a dark moth following a beacon of light through the winding corridors.

The flow of people ebbed, as soon as they reached the part of the Temple with the Jedi quarters. Anakin heaved a barely concealed sigh upon entering the silent rooms. They were unheated and dark. He turned around in order to find the light switch, but had forgotten where to look.

_Has it been that long?_ He thought to himself. _Well, it's not that we spent much time here anyway._  

A flash of light stopped his chain of thoughts short. Obi-Wan had activated the switch and a yellowish light filled the common room. The older Master stood in the middle of the room, stroking his beard and looking lost.

"First things first, I shall think" he stated and cast off his outer robe. "I am in need of a haircut ... And a shower before that."

Only then did Anakin really realize that the small splashes of water each day on Tatooine didn't make up for a full shower. He looked down at himself and eyed the dusty boots and hem of his robe.

"Yeah, me too. The shower, I mean" Anakin added.

"Why do you not join me, then?" Obi-Wan asked and turned to Anakin

The request was so unexpected that the younger Jedi needed two heartbeats to comprehend, what his former Master meant by that. On Tatooine they had been close, shared touches and kisses, but all of it had remained very chaste. It wasn't that Anakin had never seen Obi-Wan naked on their countless missions and due to their shared quarters. But now ... after everything it seemed liked something different. On the other hand to be close to Obi-Wan was all Anakin wanted and he would be a fool to decline the offer.

With a smile playing around his lips Anakin answered "Yes, I'd like that." 

***

To feel the hot water rushing down his body was far more relaxing than Anakin had thought. He registered Obi-Wan's relaxation through the Bond, too, as the other Jedi joined him beneath the warm flow of water. Without much hesitation, Anakin grabbed Obi-Wan's shoulder and pulled him close. Their slow kiss was accompanied by the steady trickle of water running down their faces like a lovers caress. They stood like that for a few heartbeats, before they parted, smiling and actually used the shower for its intended purpose. Which took them quite some time, Tatooine was very sandy.

"Should I lend you a hand with your hair?" Anakin asked, as he finally stepped out of the shower and toweled his own hair dry.

Obi-Wan stood in front of the mirror and had already trimmed his beard to his accustomed accuracy. The recently combed hair was several nuances darker than usual and seemed to be even longer when weighted down by the wetness.

"Ah, yes. That would be nice" Obi-Wan replied and continued eying himself in the mirror. "That was really quite a sunburn."

Anakin chuckled and stepped behind his former Master and ran his fingers through the wet hair. He felt Obi-Wan give a pleasant shiver so he let his hands trail from the nape of Obi-Wan's neck down to his shoulders, around his waist and then gently cupped the prominent hip bones.

"It made you look younger" Anakin purred and his hands slid forward to play with the strings closing Obi-Wan's pants.

"I am not that old, Anakin" Obi-Wan grumbled with mock offense and gently touched Anakin's knuckles.

"Right, the hair" Anakin said and grabbed for the scissors Obi-Wan had laid out next to the washbasin.

In a mutually shared silence Anakin clipped away at the thick, long strands of Obi-Wan's hair. It wasn't that Anakin had necessarily a lot of experience with cutting hair, but trimming strands wasn't that difficult. After he deemed his job finished he stepped away.

"And how does it look to you?" Anakin asked, while laying down the scissors.

Obi-Wan flicked through his hair with some quick strokes and smiled. "Just like I remember it to be. Thank you."

Dressed in loose fitting sleeping clothes both Jedi left the 'fresher behind and returned once more to the now heated common room. On either side of the room was a door, leading off into the separate sleeping chambers of Obi-Wan and Anakin. There was a moment of awkward silence, when both realized that they had, in fact, their own rooms and beds and sharing wouldn't be necessary.

"I, uh ..." Anakin started, remembering what had happened in his rooms and then stopped.

He felt a sudden tug at the Force Bond and Obi-Wan extended his loving reach a little bit deeper into Anakin's mind. It made him shiver. In a good way.

"Would you also consider joining me in my room?" Obi-Wan asked with an exaggerated courtesy, only the slightest hint of a smirk on his lips.

Anakin mirrored Obi-Wan's mental caress and grinned. "Nothing would be more acceptable to me."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hehe, if anyone of you were wondering about the sand-garden-thingie ... It is a thing CaptBexx and I were talking about, when discussing my fanfiction. Actually we just talked nonsense and I told her I would incorporate the sand-gardens in honor of her helping me with the proof-reading <3
> 
> So since this is chapter 10 there are only 2 more to go Q.Q And I think I'll manage to upload them before I go on holidays for two week come the start of march.
> 
> Thanks to everyone who is still reading, commenting, giving kudos and just liking my silly fic <3


	11. So let's go home and draw the curtains

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After their return to the Temple Anakin has to attend a Jedi trial due to his merciless killing of Palpatine's assassins at the day of the Galactic Council Attack and his disregard for Mace Windu's orders to stay on Coruscant.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Please note:** This chapter has not been beta'd properly. Since I am not a native speaker the grammar might be flawed and there are typos to be expected. I'll try to upload a beta'd version as soon as I can! As always, a big thank you to **CaptBexx** (tumblr) for being the best-friend-beta  <3

The night they had spent was pleasant. After preparing the bed with a second pillow and a blanket large enough for both of them, they had curled up together. Anakin's arms came around Obi-Wan as soon as the other man joined him under the blanket. Burying his face in Obi-Wan's chest made Anakin feel small and protected again, like the young Padawan he used to be, searching comfort in his Master's proximity.

Obi-Wan in return started combing his fingers through Anakin's still slightly wet curls, entangling them. The loving administrations extracted a satisfied hum from the younger Jedi and Obi-Wan smiled. Today Anakin had held himself and his emotions in check, which made the older Jedi proud. It wasn't that he wanted Anakin to suppress his emotions, but after the recent events it was important to lie low. Shoving those thoughts away he returned his attention to the younger Jedi in his arms.

"Tomorrow will be fine, right?" Anakin's question was muffled by Obi-Wan's robes and tickled the other man.

"Of course it will be, dear one" Obi-Wan replied and kissed Anakin on top of the head. "If there should have been some very serious punishments following your actions, the Master would have reacted right away."

"I love you, Obi-Wan" Anakin whispered.

"I love you, too."

***

Getting out of the bed seemed like an appalling thing to do. Both Jedi were caught in each other's embrace and their minds entwined like one. But the shrill beep of the control panel reminded them of the upcoming trial and that it wouldn't do to be late.

"By the Force" Obi-Wan muttered under his breath and rolled onto his back. With that movement he dislodged Anakin, who had been resting his head in the crook of Obi-Wan's neck.

"What ..." Sluggishly Anakin pried open his eyes and looked around. "Oh, no." He moaned and closed them again.

"Oh, yes" Obi-Wan replied and rubbed Anakin's arm affectionately to get him to wake up.

After some more coaxing and gentle nudging from Obi-Wan, Anakin finally left the bed to dress himself. Satisfied, the older Jedi retreated to the kitchen in order to prepare breakfast. Anakin joined him after a short while, looking everything but enthusiastic.

"Here, have some tea" Obi-Wan set a small mug in front of his former Padawan and gave him a loving smile. "Do not worry, Anakin. Everything will sort itself out fine."

Anakin looked up. His usually tanned face seemed somewhat ashen and the scar was vivid upon his brow. Obi-Wan sensed what Anakin felt, since both stopped shielding their Bond, so there was a steady flow of thoughts and emotions coursing between them. Anakin felt anxious because of the trial, but it wasn't fear for the punishment of disobedience. He feared for Obi-Wan's reputation that might take damage from Anakin's actions.

 _Do not concern yourself with that, dear one_. Obi-Wan spoke through the Bond so he could underline his sentence with a supporting mental caress. Gently, he entered Anakin's mind and pushed away all of the dark thoughts engulfing Anakin like smoke and gathered him in a protective embrace.

There was a wan smile upon Anakin's face as he said "It is time, we should go."

***

Jedi trials weren't like trials in the Galactic Council; There were no judges and juries gathered around and no hoard of onlookers crowding the hall. In case of the Jedi it was just the Council of the Master, the Jedi in question and sometimes a politician or a senator, should there be any political involvement.

Anakin stood inside the circle formed by the Jedi Master sitting on their accustomed places. Obi-Wan had also taken a seat inside that circle. His face was calm and neutral but mentally he stayed in contact with his former Padawan the whole time. Although right now it didn't feel necessary. It was often the case with Anakin, that when he was finally face to face with the danger, a heavy cool settled upon him, stifling his fear.

In course of the trial Anakin was charged with the cruel elimination of Palpatine's assassins and disobedience regarding Mace Windu's orders that Anakin stayed put, instead of going after Obi-Wan. The Council made it rather clear, that they disapproved of Anakin's ruthless actions on the day of the Galactic Council Attack because those assassins could have been valuable sources for insider information. Sources that would be for ever quiet now. On the other hand the Council was glad that Anakin had actually managed to stop Palpatine in his course of destroying the peace in the republic, although he too, was dead and could never be questioned again. Now it would be upon the Jedi to find Palpatine's dark and vicious network and set an end to the Sith activities.

Anakin's disobedience was, in comparison to his cruelty in killing the assassins, only a smaller aspect of the trial and was more or less regarded as his usual wont to ignore orders and follow his own ideas. Anakin was relieved by that. He had been afraid that his hot-headed pursue of Obi-Wan and their shared absence could have raised questions regarding their relationship. So whatever Master Yoda knew about what had happened between Anakin and Obi-Wan, hadn't been spread.

As always, Anakin argued very fiercely in favor of his actions, but showed remorse, too. It took the Council some time to reach a satisfying solution for the charges.

And finally Master Yoda spoke up, "Behaved not like a Jedi you did, young Skywalker. Killed brutally the assassins you have. A guide, your emotions should not be. Something to say about that, have you, mh?"

Anakin inclined his head respectfully, "I see my fault in my behavior, Master Yoda. I will try to improve on that."

Yoda gave a appreciative grunt and continued "For now banned from Jedi duties you should be."

Anakin's head jerked up but he kept his mouth shut. He knew when not to interfere with the decisions of the Council.

Yoda eyed him sternly with his old, wise eyes before going on, "Be put on inner duties, you will. Learn patience, learn to channel your emotions to a right course. Taught you well, Master Obi-Wan did. Show heed to his teaching, you should, mh."

Anakin's heart made a jump at the mention of Obi-Wan, afraid that the other Master might think less of him, because of Anakin's actions. But the other Jedi were silent and there seemed to be no ill will directed towards his former Master at all.

 _They are really only mad at me._ Anakin thought wryly.

"That I will do, Master Yoda." Anakin's answer was honest and his gaze didn't waver.

"Then dismissed you are. Tomorrow your new duties begin you will."

With that the Jedi Master rose from their seats and left the Council chambers in small groups. Obi-Wan got up from his chair and joined Anakin in the middle of the room. Yoda took a small step back and gave the younger Master more space.

"A generous judgement you have felled, Master Yoda" Obi-Wan remarked and bowed his head towards the ancient Jedi.

"Remains to be seen it will, Master Obi-Wan" Yoda replied with a slight twinkle in his eyes, as he studied both Jedi in front of him, before he took his leave.

When Yoda was gone, Obi-Wan grabbed Anakin's upper arm and squeezed it affectionately and took a step closer.

"You have done well, Anakin." Obi-Wan's smile was affectionate and made the small wrinkles around his eyes appear, which gave him a merry look.

Anakin grinned weakly and brushed his mechanic hand through his hair, disheveling the curls.

"I had anticipated a harsher sentence" He admitted huskily and gently brushed the shoulder of the older Jedi to return the affection.

"Oh, I think as soon as you have started inner duties, you will think differently." Obi-Wan chuckled. "I can very well remember how reckless and impatient you were as an adolescent Padawan. Always nagging at me about going off on missions and how horribly boring inner duties are. You were a pretty handful."

"Hey, that's not fair" Anakin scoffed and nudged his former Master, his cheeks slightly reddened.

"Do not complain to me how horrible your sentence is later on" Obi-Wan replied still laughing and headed for the exit, tugging Anakin along.

***

After the trial both Jedi returned to their usual tasks. Since Anakin was assigned for inner duties the next day, he spent most of the time briefing other Jedi about his current jobs and tried to get as much done as he could, while still being on higher duty. Obi-Wan on the other hand joined the team which task it was to uncover Palpatine’s hidden network and how best to proceed.

As usual work carried on through the whole day and into the evening. Obi-Wan was the first to return to their quarters and set immediately about preparing some kind of dinner. On Tatooine all his meals had been rather meager but back on Coruscant the fridge offered a variety of food it was dazzling.

After an hour Obi-Wan heard the door of the apartments slide open and Anakin entering. They had been connected through the Force Bond the whole time, but Obi-Wan had told Anakin that it was important not to get distracted from duty through that shared connection. Smiling to himself, the older Jedi continued to tend to the stew he had cooked. Today had went well. The Council hadn't been that angered by Anakin's actions and the sentence was rather mild. Relief made him lightheaded.

"I'm starving!" Anakin proclaimed, as he entered the open kitchen in a rush and immediately grabbed his former Master from behind in a crushing hug.

"Anakin" was the only thing Obi-Wan was able to choke out while being held in that breathtaking hug and patted Anakin's lower arm frantically.

"Oh, I'm sorry" Anakin apologized and took a step back with a sheepish grin.

Trying to hide his own grin, because that hug had felt rather good, Obi-Wan busied himself with ordering his robes.

"I have made us some dinner" He explained. "Would you be so nice as to set the table?"

All through the meal Anakin and Obi-Wan shared a pleasant conversation. Obi-Wan filled Anakin in about the plan the other Jedi had in order to find Palpatine's intel network and how to root it out. Of course Anakin was gutted, that he wouldn't be able to work on that mission for a time, since his assignment to inner duties was for an undefined time. But his former Master assured him, if he behaved well, he would be assigned to that mission very likely, since it was Anakin who had discovered Palpatine's true identity. And he was the chosen one.

Their talk continued quite some time into the night, when they finally decided that they should go to sleep. After all, inner duties could be hard. Hard on Anakin's patience.

***

When Anakin entered Obi-Wan's sleeping room the older Jedi was leaning against the headboard of the bed. In his hand was a datapad which he studied with some intent. Only a small lamp next to the bed illuminated the whole room and gave it an soothing air after the harsh glow of the conference rooms in the Jedi Temple. As soon as Anakin slid into the bed next to his former Master, Obi-Wan raised his head and smiled.

"All ready for your great day tomorrow?" Obi-Wan teased and lowered his hand holding the pad.

Anakin mumbled something unintelligible while he rolled over to his side, plucked the pad out of Obi-Wan’s unresisting hand and leaned in for a kiss. All through the trial and his duties Anakin had been longing to do just that. He wanted to feel Obi-Wan’s warmth beneath his body, to feel Obi-Wan’s muscles contract and flex under his exploring touch … But he knew that he had to control himself. He couldn’t display such attachment publicly.

With a small flick of his organic hand, he tossed the pad aside and cupped Obi-Wan’s face. Gently, he let his fingers run over the soft, still slightly sunburned skin, until he brushed over the once more perfectly trimmed beard. The rough sensation sent sparks through Anakin’s fingers which fired up his arm, then warmly spread into his chest like a summer rain.

Obi-Wan let out a low moan, as he leaned into the kiss. Slowly he parted his lips and let the tongue of the younger Jedi enter his mouth. The touching of their tongues was a gentle play that set Obi-Wan’s mind reeling. A part of his being, where he tried to keep all of his feelings for Anakin locked away, so no one could see, burst open and filled his mind in a wave of longing. He wanted to feel Anakin close, to diminish the room keeping them apart. Without thinking he pulled at the shared Force Bond and forged their minds into one single existence.

A jolt of pure pleasure ripped through Anakin’s spine, as Obi-Wan crushed their minds together. Never had the older Jedi been that direct in expressing his feelings before, so Anakin’s heart gave a jump of joy and started to beat faster.

Joined through the Force the minds of the Jedi worked as one: Sensations overlapped themselves and formed great waves of impressions, emotions got entwined in each other and grew even stronger, feelings held by one person were echoed by the other and thus multiplied. 

Anakin let his hand drop from Obi-Wan’s jaw down to his collarbone, where he started to stroke the exposed skin. Underneath his roughened fingertips he felt Obi-Wan’s racing pulse, that matched the vibrant and lively mind of his former Master. Using both his hands Anakin gently entangled the tunic’s strings, keeping Obi-Wan’s well trained chest from Anakin’s touch.

Ending their deep kiss with a languid nibble at Obi-Wan’s bottom lip Anakin drew back. He splayed his hands fully over the older Jedi’s chest as he studied him intently. Obi-Wan’s fair skin was reddened and that not only by his healing sunburn. The usually crystal blue eyes held a feverish glow while Obi-Wan gazed at Anakin with hooded eyes.

 _I love you, Obi-Wan_. The thought bloomed in Anakin’s mind and spread through Obi-Wan like a spring breeze carrying his fears away.

The Jedi Master smiled and tilted his head. Obi-Wan’s hand came up and fingers grazed Anakin’s cheek bone just below the eye.

 _I love you, too, dear one._ Obi-Wan’s thought settled into Anakin’s mind like the beacon of light Obi-Wan was for Anakin.

Anakin couldn’t hold himself back anymore. His hands brushed away the rest of the robe still clinging on Obi-Wan’s muscular frame. With a small rustle disturbing the utter silence of the room, Anakin settled himself between the legs of his former Master. Kneeling like that he was still slightly looming over the other men but he bent down for another slow kiss.

Obi-Wan’s hands came up and grasped Anakin’s back for support. His short nails were digging into the rough fabric of the sleeping tunic, still covering Anakin’s body.

Anakin broke their kiss and started to move downwards. His lips trailed over the sensitive skin of his former Master’s neck and found the racing pulse again. Gently sucking the exposed skin, Anakin stroked Obi-Wan’s chest in small circles, before trailing still further down.

Leaving Obi-Wan’s neck behind, Anakin started to nibble at the collar bone, before setting his lips on one of Obi-Wan’s nipples giving them a small lick.

"A- Anakin“ was all that escaped Obi-Wan’s lips, while his hands frantically tugged at the other man’s clothing.

Obi-Wan’s plea ripped through Anakin’s passionate haze and was accompanied by a small, bitter strain running through their shared Bond. Afraid of having hurt his Master yet again, Anakin sat back abruptly and cupped the other man’s face with both hands.

"Did I … I mean, was I … too fast?“ Anakin stuttered while roaming Obi-Wan’s blushed face for any hints.

Smiling weakly, Obi-Wan leaned into the touch of Anakin’s synthetical hand on his left cheek. The feeling of the cold metal was something that reassured Obi-Wan. Something purely Anakin.

"Ah no, you were not …“ Obi-Wan started huskily but then stopped.

His heart beat fast and the rush of blood made it impossible to think. He _wanted_ Anakin, but Obi-Wan wasn’t sure if he could give what Anakin desired, what he needed. Forgetting the shared Bond, Obi-Wan wasn’t aware that his thoughts filtered into Anakin’s mind, displaying themselves clear as day.

"Don’t“ Anakin simply breathed.

Obi-Wan wanted to asked what his former Padawan meant, but was stopped short by a rough kiss that was fueled by pure passion, which left him breathless when they broke apart.

"Don’t you dare think that, Obi-Wan“ Anakin’s voice wasn’t threatening, it was just matter of fact. "I love you, Obi-Wan. You are all I need.“

"But …“ Taken aback by that statement the older Jedi felt unable to form a whole sentence.

  
"No buts. I love you as you are, no matter what you can or can’t give me“ Anakin replied, pulling Obi-Wan into a fierce hug.

Without a second thought, Obi-Wan let himself be gathered in Anakin’s arms, reveling in his warmth and his familiar scent.

"It is just … Can we take it slow?“ He mumbled into Anakin’s neck.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aha, oh well ... I am not very good at writing sexy scenes, that is why I needed a whole chapter to finish the fic. So the last chapter will be awkwardly written smut, yay! xD
> 
> Thanks to all of the lovely commentators and readers and people who gave kudos <3


	12. Come on baby make sweet love to me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finally, Anakin and Obi-Wan can be together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One Chapter of awkward smut, yay!
> 
>  **Please note:** This chapter has not been beta'd properly. Since I am not a native speaker the grammar might be flawed and there are typos to be expected. I'll try to upload a beta'd version as soon as I can! As always, a big thank you to **CaptBexx** (tumblr) for being the best-friend-beta  <3

When Obi-Wan had asked Anakin to take it slow, he knew Anakin understood. It wasn’t that Obi-Wan had no experience concerning sex, but sleeping with a person from the same sex was something he had never done before.

"Of course“ Anakin breathed against Obi-Wan’s neck before pressing a small kiss upon it.

The gesture relaxed Obi-Wan immensely and he slightly entangled himself from Anakin’s hug and stretched his back. Bringing his face level with that of his former Padawan he smiled. With both hands resting on either side of Anakin’s angular face, he pulled him into a kiss.

The joy radiating from Anakin swept Obi-Wan off his feet, as it rushed through the Force Bond lifting Obi-Wan’s feelings heavenward.

Anakin happily followed Obi-Wan’s tug and both Jedi tumbled down onto the pillows once more. With a slight push from his synthetic hand, Anakin gradually lifted his weight off Obi-Wan, while still staying close enough to feel the older Jedi’s warmth. With his organic hand he brushed away stray strands of auburn hair, as he simultaneously ground his hips against Obi-Wan’s. A moan erupted from the Jedi Master’s lips, as he arched his back, hands clinging on to Anakin. 

His racing heart set Obi-Wan’s finger to a tremble as he started to tug at Anakin’s robes, freeing the other man of their confines. Now his hands trailed over Anakin’s well trained chest, tracing each and every curve of it. Gradually he let his hands slide down the small of Anakin’s back, cupping his rear and pressing him closer.

Feeling Obi-Wan’s heat and encouraged by his administrations Anakin started to kiss a trail down the Jed Master’s chest and stomach. The deeply entwined Force Bond felt like burning lava running through his veins, urging him on. Anakin felt Obi-Wan writhe underneath his kisses, licks and bites he spread over the exposed skin. As he reached the waistband of Obi-Wan’s sleeping trousers Anakin stopped. His hands were firmly rested on either side of the older Jedi’s hips, gently applying pressure. Obi-Wan bucked under Anakin’s touch, his arousal clearly visible.

Anakin lifted his head and searched for Obi-Wan’s eyes. The other man had buried his face partly in the underlying cushions and was gazing at Anakin with one feverish eye.

"Obi-Wan …“ Anakin murmured, unsure how to proceed.

"‘s fine“ Obi-Wan husked and slightly raised his hip in answer.

Anakin bent low again, captured Obi-Wan’s lips with his own and started to undo the strings, closing the other man’s trousers. In one single sweep he pulled them down accompanied by Obi-Wan's briefs. With deliberate slowness Anakin planted his organic palm on Obi-Wan's knee, slid inward and then upward inch by inch. The skin of his former master was silken and only slightly covered in light hair. 

The higher Anakin drew his fingers the more squeamish Obi-Wan became. All of Obi-Wan's blood left his head and extremities and rushed to a very different part of his body. Unable to think clearly, he only felt. Being coupled with Anakin through the Bond let him feel how Anakin experienced this situation and the younger man was more that overjoyed.

Obi-Wan arched his whole back and sputtered, as Anakin’s hand ever so slowly closed over his aching arousal and eased into a stroking motion. Eyes wide and panting he fastened his hold on Anakin, slightly breaking the skin of his former Padawan, where his nails dug in.

"Anakin, I ..." Obi-Wan breathed and was instantly showered in a myriad of kisses.

"I'm here, Obi-Wan" Anakin panted and captured Obi-Wan's mouth only to suck at his bottom lip before letting his tongue roam the other man's mouth.

Anakin felt Obi-Wan writhe underneath his touch, legs twitching. To prolong their love making Anakin eased his grip on Obi-Wan's just to plant both hands on either side of the other Jedi's hips. With seemingly no effort he drew Obi-Wan close so he could feel his arousal.

The Jedi Master gave a gasp, as their erections touched. Anakin's was still covered in the rough fabric of his sleeping pants but the heat was more than apparent. The sensation drove shivers up Obi-Wan's tights as he moaned softly and sank back into the rumpled sheets tugging his former Padawan with him. As if he was filled with pure sunlight, Obi-Wan felt his confidence rising in him and he let his hands brush over Anakin's back and down to his groin. He placed his hands over Anakin's erection straining against the fabric and started stroking. On top of him the younger Jedi shuddered and closed his eyes in pleasure.

"Ah- Obi-Wan, you don't have to-" was all that bubbled over Anakin's lips before everything else drowned in his aroused sighs.

"I am fine" Obi-wan murmured and buried his head in the dark curls, inhaling the soothing scent.

Deliberately Obi-Wan stopped his administrations and started working on the strings holding the pants fast. After three practiced moves the strings came undone and his fingers brushed away the non-resistant fabric. Letting his fingertips trail over Anakin's exposed skin Obi-Wan felt unreal. It was as if he had left his body and entered Anakin’s. Each loving gesture, each pleasuring touch reverberated through the Bond and was felt by both Jedi who shuddered at the reception.

Freed of the oppressive clothing and trying to find a footing in the shimmering heat of their Force Bond, Anakin sat upright. Reacting to the motion of his younger Padawan, Obi-Wan let go and rested his hands on his belly where they were instantly picked up by Anakin.

"I love you so much, Obi-Wan" Anakin mumbled as his lips brushed over the calloused fingertips. "I just want to feel you so close to ... Ah" He stopped himself with a sigh and offered his former Master a lopsided grin.

"I love you, too, dear one" Obi-Wan replied, his voice huskier than ever, not being accustomed to moaning.

Gently, he freed one of his hands from Anakin's hold to cup the other man's face. Obi-Wan gazed into the familiar blue eyes and all of their shared memories rushed through his being, settling in his heart.

 _I want you, too_. Obi-Wan wove the thought around their coupled minds like a Corellian wedding ribbon, used to bind the hands of two lovers at the marriage.

Joy and love erupted from Anakin like a sun storm and washed over the older Jedi, blending their two minds even more. In one graceful movement he bent down again and kissed Obi-Wan passionately.

When the kiss broke and Obi-Wan had rested himself against the pillows once more, Anakin took hold of Obi-Wan's quivering hip, softly pulling it even closer.

"I won't hurt you, Obi-Wan" Anakin stated firmly as he sought the eyes of the Jedi Master.

"I know, dear one" Obi-Wan whispered and fitted himself more fully against Anakin's legs, raising his hips.

Anakin wetted his organic fingers with his saliva, before he lowered his hand and gently started massaging.

Unable to contain his moan at the new sensations coursing through his strummed body, Obi-Wan buried his face in his hands, stifling his sighs. A metallic touch to his fingers made him lift his hands. Anakin smiled lovingly at him, while he laced his mechanical fingers with Obi-Wan's, pinning them above the older Jedi's head. Unsure what to do with the other hand Obi-Wan grabbed the nape of Anakin's neck and started kneading the taut muscles.

Motivated by Obi-Wan's reaction Anakin started pushing further which resulted in another moan before he started to move his fingers in slow push and pull motions. Gradually Obi-Wan relaxed around Anakin and his moans took on a different tone.

"How d'you feel?" Anakin mumbled against Obi-Wan's temple, placing a kiss there.

"I ..." Obi-Wan started but then stopped.

Instead of talking, the older Jedi closed his eyes and conveyed all of his feeling, too many and too diverse to put them into mere words, flow through the Bond into their merged minds. Obi-Wan's feelings spoke of a fatherly love, steady as a mountain always there to offer hold in troubled times. It spoke of a love so fierce no sun in the whole galaxy could equal it. And it spoke of commitment and trust. They weren't just Jedi Knight and Master anymore, they weren't even lovers ... Through the Bond they had become something new, two parts of a whole.

 _I love you and I want you, Anakin_. Obi-Wan let the thought stand clearly in Anakin's mind. This was how it should be.

His heart soaring and unable to reply, Anakin let his feelings for Obi-Wan course through the Bond. Feeling Obi-Wan relax mentally and bodily, Anakin freed his fingers gradually, which made his former Master sigh deeply and longingly. Firmly grabbing Obi-Wan's hip, Anakin brought the other man into position, before pushing forward.

A sound like a muffled cry erupted from Obi-Wan’s lips at this new experience. His hold on Anakin’s neck fastened for an instant, before he shakily relaxed it. Obi-Wan realized that before he had always missed something … someone. Now he was one with Anakin and was finally made whole. Never would he part with him.

Arms trembling with effort but also with arousal that flushed his body relentlessly, Anakin had come to a halt. The need to feel his former Master bucking and moaning underneath him in pleasure was urging him on, but the fear of hurting Obi-Wan stayed his hips.

Suddenly Obi-Wan disentangled his hand from Anakin’s mechanic one and let go of the neck. With both hands rested firmly on Anakin’s small of the back he applied a little pressure. Anakin gasped at being pushed deeper into Obi-Wan without his accord. He looked at his former Master in search for reassurance and was awarded with a slightly flushed face that made the enticing freckles disappear but also with a encouraging smile.

Anakin returned the smile and kissed Obi-Wan once more, savoring the soft warmth spreading through his heart and accelerating it. Slowly he started to move his hips forward and backward in a deliberate rhythm, trying not to get carried away by his pleasure.

Obi-Wan’s whole body shivered in passion, as he held onto Anakin’s hip which slowly sent wave after wave of lust rolling over him. The initial pain and uneasiness dissolved into pleasure and longing, spinning the mind of the older Jedi. Caught in Anakin’s slow rhythm, Obi-Wan started to move with his former Padawan and all of his restrains melted away, like ice that had covered him for far too long.

Feeling Obi-Wan moving against him brought Anakin’s arousal closer to fulfillment than he wanted. Unable to contain his love for Obi-Wan that was nearly bursting his heart and his lust that drove every coherent thought away, Anakin broke the kiss and groaned.

Their merging bodies and their already merged minds enhanced  every touch and every feeling that erupted from the two Jedi, sending it through the shared Bond with dizzying speed. Lost in their overwhelming love for each other and in the physical touch which they were finally granted, both Jedi moved in unison. Oblivious to their surroundings Anakin and Obi-Wan let their by now glowing Force Bond take over, sending them over the edge.

Panting and shivering Anakin sank down, covering Obi-Wan’s fair skinned body with his own more tanned one. Instantly two arms wrapped around his form, holding him close. With a small smile grazing his lips he buried his face in Obi-Wan’s neck.

A comfortably shared silence hung over them like a warm blanket, keeping all outer influences at bay. Giving the two Jedi a space of their own which no one ever could intrude.

The madly glowing and pulsing Force Bond returned only gradually to its former state. Fueled by the shared orgasm it had transformed into a being of its own. It coursed through the Jedi’s bodies, thorough their minds and hearts, erasing all space between them. The  Bond had taken the two minds of Anakin and Obi-Wan, merged them into one and erased every sane thought, just letting them feel each other bodily and mentally.

Utterly exhausted, Obi-Wan let his hands slide down the younger Jedi’s back, unable to hold them up any longer.

"Dear one“ he mumbled, his voice even more husked than before. "I think you need to … ah, get off.“

A deep purr blossomed in Anakin’s chest and rumbled through Obi-Wan’s spent form. Anakin lovingly nudged the neck of his former Master with his nose and kissed him playfully.

"I don’t think I want to“ Anakin replied with mock disdain but slowly pushed himself off Obi-Wan to lie next to him.

The older Jedi gave a sigh as he and Anakin separated. His legs felt feeble and unresponsive so he just let them glide down onto the mattress not moving a single inch more than necessary. A deep contentment settled in Obi-Wan’s chest, driving a smile upon his lips he couldn’t seem to suppress. Next to him he felt Anakin’s warm body pressing close and strong arms embracing him. Closing his eyes he settled more comfortable into the embrace.

"How do you feel? Did I –“ Anakin didn’t get any further because a rush of contentment seeped through the Bond, making him giddy.

"I am fine, Anakin“ Obi-Wan reassured the younger Jedi and awarded him with a kiss on the forehead.

Still not believing that he and Obi-Wan could finally be together made Anakin think. He thought back to the nights he had shared with Padmé, how happy he had been with her, but also how aggravated by not being able to show it openly. With Obi-Wan it would be the same, no one beside them could ever know of this.

The thought of Padmé, of the kids, pierced his elated heart. He missed them truly. But they weren’t here any more, they were in a better place, he truly believed that. In the here and now, there was only Obi-Wan. _His_ Master. He would never let anything happen to him.

"You are thinking of her, are you not?“ Obi-Wan asked, his voice pleasant.

Anakin forgot that he was still connected to Obi-Wan, who could probably tell by Anakin’s feelings what he was thinking.

"I’m sorry I didn’t mean–“ was all he got to say before his former Master shushed him.

"It is fine, dear one“ He replied with a loving smile. "I know that you love her. That you love _them_ and that is good. But I also do know that you love me, Anakin.“

Unable to say anything more, Anakin pulled Obi-Wan even closer and let his unyielding love flow through the Bond, engulfing Obi-Wan’s mind.

"I love you, Obi-Wan. I’ll never let anyone separate us, not as long as I live and breathe.“ There he said it. He loved Obi-Wan, he was attached to him with body and mind and no one was going to get between them.

Normally such a blatant declaration of attachment would procure some sort of reprimand from Obi-Wan, because that was not the Jedi way. But the Jedi Master remained silent. Only a small thread of approval wove itself through the Bond, fastening itself to Anakin.

"I love you, too, Anakin. I will never leave you.“ Obi-Wan’s voice was small, as if unused to pledging himself emotionally to another being, but it also carried his usual note of determination.

With that, both Jedi settled more closely against each other, exhaustion taking over and dragging them down into a blissful sleep, their minds a lazy tangle of contentment and satisfaction. Tomorrow they would have to return to their duties again. To fulfill their part in a bigger mechanism as two simple beasts of burden. But for now they held onto each other, knowing that nothing could force them apart ever again.

  

[ ](http://profdrlachfinger.tumblr.com/post/134218439051/anakin-skywalker-obi-wan-kenobi-obikin-while)

**~ FIN ~**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ... I am sad, you know, that it is over.
> 
> But I was ever so glad that so many people joined me on my first fanfiction-venture ever and actually enjoyed it Q.Q Maybe there'll be a sequel (Free Bird), since I have some still unfulfilled ideas ... But right now I'll be going on holiday for two weeks traveling South Africa and then I'll be working on the Wayward Sons ;3
> 
> So, THANKYOU! For everyone who read this far, wrote such lovely comments, left Kudos and just plain enjoyed this fic, it really means a lot to me. You guys were a blast! <3


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